


Different

by watchmegetobsessed



Category: Girls (TV)
Genre: Complicated Relationships, Eventual Romance, F/M, Roommates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-31
Updated: 2020-02-08
Packaged: 2021-02-25 07:35:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 24,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22492420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/watchmegetobsessed/pseuds/watchmegetobsessed
Summary: Hannah lets you move in with her and Adam as you are her second cousin and in need of a place to live. Your relationship with Adam starts rocky, but things soon seem to be taking a turn.
Relationships: Adam Sackler/Reader, Hannah Horvath/Adam Sackler
Comments: 8
Kudos: 102





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I literally dreamed up the plot of this, woke up at 6.30 and went right into writing before I could forget the thought. Hope you'll like it!

You really should have thought that moving in with a couple is the worst possible thing you can do, but it’s not like you had too many choices. If you didn’t want to end up living with some heroin addict weirdo, living with your second cousin, Hannah was the best choice. But Hannah came with her 6’2” boyfriend, Adam, who is almost equally as weird as a heroin addict sometimes, but you try to ignore this small little detail.

After all, you are here, in New York City, living the dream, and no one can ruin this for you. Or you thought.

Living with Hannah and Adam at the beginning went smooth. She seemed happy to have you there, tried her best to help you taking your first steps away from home and Adam… Well, he did not seem too happy that you were there, but he didn’t have too much saying in it. At least he didn’t try to make life miserable for you, he just simply didn’t try to connect with you in any ways. When Hannah wasn’t home you two were like strangers walking around, not even saying a word to each other. At first it bothered you, knowing that he doesn’t want you there, but then you decided to just suck it up and don’t care about him. As long as he doesn’t make life harder for you, he could do whatever he wanted.

The first few weeks went by like this, a lot of adjusting, a bunch of new things, exploring the world. But soon enough you realized that just like every other couple, Hannah and Adam also have their bad days. Sometimes they last for a week.

Sitting on your bed you take your headphone off, the music fades into the distance and the shouting takes its place as you check if they are still at it. Surprise, they are.

They started the fight about an hour ago, you can’t tell what it was really about, they were already arguing when you got home and you just silently ducked into your room, trying not to be in the way and give them privacy by not listening to them, but now you really can’t stop yourself from hearing into tonight’s show.

As you step to your door and lean against it you try to figure out what they are fighting about.

“This is not what I’m talking about, Adam! I’m just saying that you could at least try a little!” you hear Hannah’s voice that’s followed by a grunt from Adam.

“Why? Why should I? It doesn’t worth it, so why should I even waste any of my time and energy on them?”

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe because we are together?”

“That’s not the answer to everything, Hannah!” Adam snaps and you guess he slammed his hand on the kitchen counter judging from the sounds.

You huff to yourself, going back to the bed and putting your headphone back, hoping that they’ll stop sometime soon.

About half an hour later you are forced to leave your room because your stomach is about to start a riot if you don’t eat something, so you decide to peek out. For your surprise, it’s quiet when you stop the music, the shouting has ended. You slowly open the door, you see or hear nobody so you assume that they are gone. Making your way to the fridge you grab everything you need for a sandwich and as you line the ingredients up on the counter you start humming to yourself while making the sandwich.

“Your voice is awful,” you hear Adam’s voice from behind and you jump almost screaming as you turn around and see him stand in the living room, looking at you with that blank expression he always has on and what you can never figure out.

“Jeez, thanks. Didn’t know the kitchen is the stage of _The Voice_ ,” you chuckle awkwardly. “I didn’t know you were here.”

“Well, I am,” he states matter-of-factly, just staring back at you, and it’s starting to get intimidating.

“Um, alright. I’m making a sandwich, would you like one?” you offer, trying to be nice now that he actually took the effort to talk to you, it’s probably the fifth time since you’ve moved in so you don’t take it for granted.

“You have cheese?”

“I do,” you nod holding up the pack.

“Then yes, I want one.”

Nodding again you get another plate as he walks over to the fridge and you already know he is going to get the milk. One of the reasons you thought that he is a weirdo when you moved in is the fact that he drinks milk as if it was water. Maybe this is why he grew up to be so tall and bulky.

“Where’s Hannah?” you ask, eyes focused on the process in front of you.

“Fuck knows,” he scoffs. “Probably at Marnie’s crying about what an asshole I am.”

You finish the sandwiches and join him handing him his plate. He mumbles a faint thanks before jumping right into it.

“What made her think you are an asshole?” you curiously ask as you start eating in a more low-key way.

“Apparently, not wanting to hang out with her friends is still a constant problem of hers, and I just wish she understood we don’t have to share everything just because we are a couple!”

This has been constantly brought up between them, you’ve heard them argue about this a lot. To be honest, Hannah’s desire to get all her friends and loved ones together into one big happy group has kind of always been a problem of hers as far as you remember. She keeps bringing different people together, hoping they would get along well but sometimes even though you are a common denominator in two individuals’ life, it doesn’t mean they are also meant to be on good terms. Knowing her friends you’re not surprised Adam doesn’t want anything to do with them, they are just simply two different worlds and Hannah should just realize and accept this fact.

“I think you’re right,” you speak up after a short break and Adam throws his hands up.

“Thank you! Finally someone who sees my point!”

“Yeah, I mean… They are her friends, not yours. It’s one thing to know each other but you are not obligated to like them and have them as your own friends.”

“Exactly. But Hannah doesn’t seem to realize this and she is driving me nuts about it!”

“She’ll come around,” you shrug and he gives you a look. You both know she won’t, she is just too stubborn. “Okay, maybe not,” you chuckle.

When he is done eating he just sits there, his head hanging low and as you chew the remaining of your sandwich you take a good look at him. This is the first time you two had an actual, normal conversation where you didn’t feel like he would rather have you moved out by the next day. You knew from the first moment that his personality is quite odd and paired with his tall, dour appearance he has been pretty intimidating, but you feel a change in that now.

“I’m gonna take a shower. Thanks for the sandwich,” he sighs walking up to the sink and he quickly rinses his plate and glass before disappearing in the bathroom, leaving you alone.

Hannah comes home quite late that day, you are almost asleep when you hear them talking, but it’s not loud enough to figure out what they are saying, you just hear the muffled noises through the wall. When you wake up the next morning to leave for work the door to their room is slightly open and as you walk past it you see that they are sleeping, cuddled up, Adam holding her from behind, his hair messily covering his forehead.

The everydays become a little different from that day. The change you felt with Adam seems to last, you no longer feel like he wants you to pack up and leave, it feels like he has a more pleasant attitude towards you and it’s making you feel a lot better. Maybe he was just unsure how to reach out to you and now that you have officially had a short but nice conversation, he feels more comfortable to have you around.

One evening you are in your room, sorting out some emails you need to check tomorrow at work when there’s a soft knock on the door.

“Come in!” you call out thinking it’s Hannah, but for your biggest surprise Adam walks in. “Hey,” you look up as he wanders in, his attention quickly diverted in different parts of the room.

“Haven’t been in here since you moved in,” he states as he eyes your dresser, your jewelries laying on it and the pictures on the wall; some family photos, pictures with your high school friends, you and your dog from back home, you and your best friend, Ella.

“Would be weird if you just hung out in here when I’m not here,” you chuckle putting your laptop to the side and standing up you step next to him.

“Is that you?” he asks pointing at a photo that was taken about fifteen years ago at Christmas. You and your parents are sitting under the tree, you have the widest grin on your face, perfectly showing your gappy set of teeth, three of them lacking at the time. You have your hair in two pigtails and you’re holding onto the teddy bear you just got.

“Yeah. My shiny teeth and me,” you joke making him let out a huffed chuckle.

He examines the pictures for a little longer before crossing his arms on his chest he turns to you.

“So there is this work thing tomorrow for Hannah, she and her coworkers are going out to some bar and she wants me to go, but I really don’t want to.”

“Okay?” you say not really understanding why he tells you this.

“I thought that you could come, so I don’t suffer alone.”

“I wasn’t invited,” you say with a chuckle.

“I’m inviting you now.”

“I don’t think that counts.” Tugging your hair behind your ears you go back to your bed and sit in the middle as Adam stands there, staring down at you intensely.

“I don’t want to sit there all evening listening to their whining about stuff that don’t even matter in life but they think is the end of the world!”

“Then don’t go.”

“You know that’s not an option, Hannah would flip if I said I didn’t want to go.”

“You can’t have this argument forever, sooner or later you two have to agree on something regarding this question.”

“It’s not a question to her,” he rolls his eyes. “Y/N, please! I’ll talk her into letting you come too, you just have to say that you’ll come!”

“Adam…” you sigh and he sits to the edge of the bed as he starts begging.

“Y/N, please! I’ll… pay you twenty bucks! Just please say you’ll come and save me from dying! This is not how I imagined my death,” he whines and you start laughing at his words. It’s quite the sight to see such a huge man begging you.

“Twenty-five and I’ll go.”

“Fucking deal!” he snaps holding his hand out and you just shake it chuckling.

Needless to say he talked Hannah into inviting you as well so the next day you find yourself getting ready to leave with the two of them. You’re just finishing putting your hair up into a ponytail when Adam walks in, knocking on the door, but coming in before you could say anything since the door was already open.

“Here,” he says handing you the money which you take and put into your purse.

“Thanks, now I feel like a prostitute,” you mumble laughing to yourself.

“That requires sex, so you’re good.”

“Thanks for the info.”

“Don’t you dare leave my side while we are there. I can’t hold up a conversation with them.”

“What if I have to go to the toilet?” you ask.

“No peeing or other business on the toilet tonight,” he shakes his head making you laugh. “I’m paying you, so technically I’m your boss tonight, so I’m making the rules.”  
“I didn’t sign up for this. To be exact I didn’t sign anything,” you joke walking over to your wardrobe to grab your jacket.

“Don’t come at me with this… legal shit. If you dare—Hannah!”

Turning around you see Hannah walking in, suspiciously eyeing the two of you.

“What’s going on here?”

“Nothing, we were just talking about how excited we are to have a nice evening with your cool colleagues!” Adam lies and you have to bite into your lip to stop yourself from smiling.

“Really?” she asks narrowing her eyes at her boyfriend.

“Of course!” he gestures with his hands around before grabbing her face and kissing her. “Go, put your shoes on, we don’t want to be late,” he urges and then pushes her out of the room smacking her ass and you just chuckle silently, shaking your head at him.

He follows her out but then turns back giving you one last torturous look.

“Nice saving,” you whisper.

“Thanks, I’m a talented actor,” he says before finally exiting the room, leaving you laughing to yourself silently.

Sitting in the crowded bar with Adam pressed up next to you in the booth you quickly realize he wouldn’t have survived without you. Hannah’s colleagues are… quite interesting to say the least. It’s like they live on another planet, they have such a different view of the world than you or Adam or even Hannah, but she is trying hard to fit in and you’re just sitting there, sipping on your drink trying not to grimace.

“I’m killing myself,” Adam whispers over to you and you nod in agreement.

“Not before I could kill myself.”

He huffs before taking his coke from the table and chugging it down. The people around you start talking about something nonsense and you feel like your brain just zones out, shutting the voices out as you stare at the people dancing on the small dance floor at the back of the place. The music is not that bad, the two drinks you’ve had was enough to set your mood for dancing and you wonder if it would be weird to just get up and do it.

“Hey,” you poke Adam’s side with your elbow. “I wanna dance, this conversation is killing my brain cells.”

“Anything is better than this,” he nods before turning over to Hannah. “Y/N and I are gonna check out the dance floor, I’ll get you another drink on the way back,” he quickly informs her kissing her forehead before you both slide out of the booth and leave before anyone could say a word.

With Adam following right behind you get to the group of dancing people and just let yourself enjoy the music. Adam is an interesting sight as he tries his best at dancing, but you have to admit it’s kind of cute how he throws his limbs around to the rhythm, towering over basically everyone around him.

It’s far more entertaining than being at the table and trying to listen to what those snobs have to say. For a little while you even forget why you came. No money, no deal, no nothing, just genuinely having a good time with Adam. You lose track of time and probably he does too, because when Hannah appears with a not too pleased look on her face you both seem surprised.

“This is so not what I was expecting from the two of you!” she snaps as the three of you walk into the apartment not so much later that night. Once she found you on the dance floor she made it clear she wants to go home, so you said goodbye to the snobs and left.

“What did we exactly do?” he asks, already tired of the conversation. You kick your shoes off and going into your room you put your jacket away before walking out and joining them to listen to what she wants to say.

“You disappeared for an hour!”

“It didn’t feel like an entire hour,” you shrug telling the truth.

“Well it was. And I didn’t enjoy it.”

“Why didn’t you use the time to talk to your colleagues? Isn’t that why you wanted to go?” Adam questions, getting frustrated.

“I wanted you to be there with me! Is that too much to ask for?”

“It is!” he snaps and you jump a little, feeling like maybe you should leave now and let them smooth it out, but you can’t move. “How many times do I have to tell you that I don’t want to go out with your friends? That involves your annoying ass coworkers too!”

“This again?” she scoffs throwing her hands up in the air. “I thought we were already over this! You are my partner, so I obviously want you to get along with other people in my life!”

“I get along with Y/N, isn’t that enough?” he asks gesturing towards you and you suddenly feel anxious that now you are involved too again.

“I’m happy you get along with her, but she is not the only person in my life.”

“Okay, then just accept that I’m a socially loser asshole, end of story!”

“I’m not accepting it, because it’s not true!”

“It is!” he shouts and you can tell he has lost all of his patience. “I’m trying so hard Hannah, but I feel like you just keep trying to change me and that’s not okay! I get constantly reminded by you that I’m not enough even if you don’t realize you’re doing this, but this is how I feel and I’m so fucking sick of it! It’s fucking my mind up!” he shouts as you stand there, watching in shock how much anger is in him. You’ve never seen him like this, given the fact that you usually lock yourself up in your room whenever they are fighting, but this time you are watching it from the front row.

Hannah blinks at him a few times, watching him pace the floor back and forth in the living room before she speaks up.

“I’m sorry if you feel like this, it was never my intention to make you feel like I want to change you,” she says in a calm, but obviously hurt tone.

You decide it’s better if you leave them alone at this point, so turning around you go into your room and close the door, fighting the urge to listen on them back. You give them some time to talk while you start cleaning up a bit in your room, putting things away that ended up in the wrong place recently, but soon you hear the front door opening and closing and you can’t stop yourself from checking out what’s going on outside.

Peeking out you see Adam standing in the living room, hands on his hips as he is chewing on his bottom lip anxiously.

“Hey, is everything alright?” you softly ask standing at your door.

“She said she’ll spend the night at Marnie,” he mumbles shaking his head. “She always runs away to fucking… Marnie.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sure you’ll figure it out when she comes back.”

He stands there taking a deep breath before shaking his head and running his fingers through his messy hair.

“Yeah,” he nods shortly before turning and taking a look around as if he just realized where he really is. “Wanna watch a movie or some shit? I could use the distraction.”

“Sure, of course!” you nod eagerly, wanting to help, because somewhat you feel like you are the one to blame for this fight. After all, you were the one who wanted to dance, you should have just sit through that hell and wait until Hannah finally wanted to go home.

You make some popcorn and let Adam choose a movie and a few minutes later the two of you are on the couch, watching some action movie, munching on the popcorn, not talking about Hannah anymore.

“How hard can that be?” Adam huffs under his breath nodding at the TV where a guy is twirling a rod around like a ninja before he attacks the enemy.

“It’s all in the wrist.”

“Huh? How do you know?” he asks turning to you.

“I was a majorette in high school, I can twirl a baton, I’m sure it’s similar,” you shrug stuffing some popcorn into your mouth.

“Really? Can I see?” He seems excited learning this new detail about you.

“I don’t have a baton here with me.”

“I have a wooden stick, that could work,” he offers and jumping to his feet he runs into their room and returns with what looks like the leg of a table, handing it to you.

You just shake your hear chuckling as you dust your hands off and standing up you take the stick.

“There are some basic moves, and they can be combined,” you begin to explain as you start twirling the stick around the way you learned back in the days while Adam is watching you seemingly amazed. “You can throw it, move it basically anywhere, you just have to be able to move your wrist, that’s it.”

“Okay, this looks fucking cool. Can you teach me?”

Chuckling you nod your head and handing the stick over to him you stand on his side and start guiding his hand slowly, twirling the stick around.

“Just relax your muscles, you need to let your hand move in a flow,” you explain showing him how he is supposed to do it. After a few tries he does one of the basic twirls and happily cheers at his new accomplishment.

“That was awesome, I should be a majorette!”

“Surely, you’d look cute in the dresses we used to wear,” you laugh as the two of you get back on the couch and you think about all the shiny, colorful dresses you had for shows and competitions. Adam would definitely be a pretty sight in one of those.

You get back to the movie but Adam soon gets distracted again and speaks up.

“So how come you never bring any guys home?”

You’re surprised by the random question and at first you don’t even know what to answer.

“Um, I don’t really date,” you shrug awkwardly.

“Are you lesbian?”

You almost choke on your own breath as you hear his question and you have to clear your throat before speaking up.

“I’m not lesbian.” This is definitely not the way you should ask someone about their sexual orientation, not that it’s any of his business in addition.

“Okay, then how come you don’t date?”

“First of all, if I was lesbian, I could still say that I don’t date. Second… I’m just… not good at it, I guess.”

“You mean sex?”

His blunt questions are definitely making you blush right now, feeling the heat crawling up on the back of your neck as you try to hide how anxious you are because of the topic.

“Not sex. Dating someone is not just about sex.”

“Yeah, but it’s like a big part of it.”

“It is.”

“Then how did you mean it? I’m confused.”

Sighing you have to realize he is not going to ditch the topic until he gets his answers, so you have to explain yourself even though you’d rather just run out right now.

“I’m not… like Hannah in this field,” you start, trying to find the right words.

“Okay, go on,” he nods.

“It’s harder for me to get intimate with someone, physically and emotionally as well. I don’t like the process of getting to know each other, it’s so… forced for me. My first and only boyfriend… I’ve known him my whole life, so there was never this awkward phase where we were testing it all out, figuring each other out. Because we already knew each other and then when we were sixteen we just casually decided to start dating. So I’m not really good at this part and it’s making dating really hard on me.”

“How long did you date him?”

“Four years. We did distance for a long time when we both went to college, but it tired us both out and we called it quits.”

“That’s a long time.”

“Yeah. It’s been two years, but I’m still not used to this whole dating thing, so I decided to just… not do it. I still have time, I have other things to focus on right now.”

It took you a long time to find your peace of mind with your situation and accept that dating is not really on your plate right now. Your mom keeps asking if you met someone new lately, but you always have to tell her that it’s not happening at the moment. She can’t really understand your choice, she just wants you to settle down as soon as possible.

“Well, I hate small talking too. Just listing things about myself so the other person is updated on you.”

“It’s pretty frustrating,” you huff running your fingers through your hair.

Adam just silently nods before the two of you turn back to the movie even though you are both lost with the plot now.

Because of the drinks you’ve had earlier and the overall stressful day that’s behind you, you fall asleep before the movie could end. When you wake up, you need a couple of moments to adjust to your surroundings. You’ve slid down to the side, right between Adam and the back of the couch, so now you are basically cuddling him, head on his chest as he has an arm around you, passed out, breathing evenly as the TV’s light softly colors his face. His hand feels so big and warm on your arm and at first you don’t even want to move, it feels so nice lying there next to him, but then you come to your senses.

This is Adam, Hannah’s boyfriend and this situation is highly inappropriate. Slowly maneuvering yourself out of his hold you sit up without waking him up. You stare down at him for a few moments before realizing that you are having ridiculous thoughts about this whole scenario.

“Get your shit together, Y/N,” you whisper to yourself as you stand up and grabbing the empty bowl from the coffee table you bring it to the sink and just put it into it, leaving the washing to the morning and then lock yourself up in the bathroom hoping that a hot shower might help you.

It kind of does, though your mind is still racing when you finish and come out. Stopping you see that the TV is now turned off, the bowl is washed and Adam is nowhere to be seen, their room’s door closed. You contemplate knocking on the door to ask if he is alright, but then you talk yourself down, not wanting to worsen your ridiculous state of mind about Adam at the moment, so you just go back to your room and close the door behind you.

Little did you know that Adam was awake when you woke up, he just didn’t want to end the moment. He wanted to hold you, he wanted you to sleep on him, even though his thoughts confused him just as much as yours did to you.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hannah left to Iowa, leaving you and Adam living alone together. As much as you thought things are somewhat right, he now seems distant and cold towards you and you can't tell if it's because of Hannah's departure or something else...

Standing on the pavement you wave as you watch Hannah leave with her parents in the car for her big adventure in Iowa. Life is going to be so much different without her in the apartment, but you’re happy she is taking a step forward in her life.

It’s been three weeks since that night when she and Adam had that big fight and you fell asleep with him on the couch. Neither of you spoke about it, pretending like it never happened. As far as you know, you are the only one who knew about it given the fact that Adam was asleep. Or so you thought.

Things just fell back into normal after that, Hannah and Adam made up the next day, they had an argument about something else a few days later, and balance has been brought to the universe. Then came the big news that she got accepted to grad school and you could almost cut the tension in the apartment, even though they weren’t arguing anymore. There wasn’t any shouting, accusations, fighting, just silent nerves eating both of them up, but neither of them wanted to admit it. They didn’t talk about it.

When the car disappears from your sight you go back up, finding Adam sitting on the couch with a glass of milk in his hands.

“Oh, you’re up,” you say. You thought he was still asleep since he didn’t come down to say goodbye to Hannah.

“Yeah, just woke up. Hannah’s gone?”

“She just left,” you nod heading for the fridge and grabbing a bottled water from it.

You watch him from behind, he just sits there, staring out the window and you wish you could hear his thoughts. Hannah has told you about her concerns regarding her leaving and how it’ll sit with Adam, though he has told her several times that everything is going to be okay, you just feel like there’s been a lot he hasn’t told her about.

“I’m gonna go for a run,” he announces standing up and then he disappears in their… _his_ room, walking out a few minutes later in his running shorts and nothing else. Without a word he just leaves the apartment and you stand there in the kitchen, feeling uncertain how this situation will turn out to be.

The first week following Hannah’s departure is rather weird. Mostly because it’s unusual to be at home with only Adam around. Out of the three of you Hannah was definitely the most bubbly and vibrant person, she talks way more than you or Adam, so silence became the third person in the apartment once she left.

You don’t see Adam too much, he has a lot of work with his show and the castings he has been going to, he usually gets home pretty late and is still asleep when you leave for work, leaving very little time for the two of you to actually meet.

But when you do, it’s weird. He constantly seems uninterested in everything, stays in his own little world, seemingly shutting everything and everyone out. At first you feel like it’s because of Hannah, you tell yourself that he just needs time to adjust to this whole new situation. But as time goes by you start to feel like it’s actually you. That he is avoiding you and trying to shut you out, but you have no idea why and it’s starting to really bug you, because you are almost entirely sure you didn’t do anything to have him act like this towards you.

One Monday evening it’s a lucky time, you both are at home, Adam is in his room with the door closed and you hear him shuffling around, like he is rearranging the room or something. You hesitate for a while whether you should try to talk to him or just let him distance himself in peace. Your curiosity is too strong to just let it be, so walking up to his room you knock on the door firmly.

“Yes?” he calls out and opening the door you peek inside before walking in.

“Hey,” you greet him with a faint smile. The room is kind of a mess, it seems like he is rearranging his dresser, all of his clothes sitting on the floor, two of the drawers are on the bed, each of them half full. “What are you doing?”

“Just moving some of Hannah’s shit so I have more space.”

“Oh,” you nod taking another look around. “I was thinking about ordering food, do you want to join?”

Exhaling sharply he puts his hands on his hips as he looks at you from across the room.

“No thanks,” he shakes his head and you lick your lips in defeat as you slowly nod. As you are about to walk out you decide that you’re not missing the chance to actually ask him about his behavior so you stop with the doorknob in your hand as you turn back to him.

“Adam, did I do something that upset you?”

“Huh?” he tilts his head.

“I just feel like you’ve been kind cold with me lately, and I was wondering if I did something that made you so… distant.”

He stares at you for a few moments before licking his lips and turning away, as if he doesn’t know what to say and you just stand there, waiting for him to tell you anything.

“I have no idea what you are talking about,” he then finally speaks up, but you are almost entirely sure he is not telling the truth. Staring at him you give him a few more seconds to change his mind and tell you the real reason, but he doesn’t. He just looks right back at you, and the feeling that you are unwanted here just grows with each passing moment.

“Alright then,” you shortly say before finally walking out and shutting the door closed.

You don’t order anything, your appetite is gone the moment you get to your own room and tears start dwelling in the corner of your eyes.

“I just honestly don’t understand what his problem is all of a sudden, everything seemed cool before, I don’t know what changed,” you sigh when two days later you are sitting in a bar with Ella. She is visiting family in the city and the two of you wanted to have a long night of just chatting and catching up on each other’s life. You just told her about the whole Adam story, except that small little detail that you woke up cuddled up to his side that evening you two watched a movie together. She doesn’t have to know about that.

“You said it yourself before, the guy is a weirdo, why are you surprised that he is acting weird?” she asks, stirring the straw around in her drink.

“Because he hasn’t been that weird lately.”

“The guy just had to go into a long distance relationship, I’m sure it’s hard on him.”

“Yeah, but I feel like it’s against me and has nothing to do with Hannah. I mean, as far as I know, distance has been nice for them, haven’t heard them argue on the phone since she left and it’s a personal record for them.”

“Because people in long distance relationships don’t like to waste their time on useless stuff like fighting on the phone. They value the time they get to spend together even if it’s not in person.”

“But still, it just feels… It doesn’t feel right, that’s it.”

“I’ll tell you what you need to do,” she snorts and you eye her curiously, wanting to hear her way of solving the problem. “Let’s get two more tequilas and get shit faced so you forget about his weird ass.”

You just roll your eyes at her, but don’t say no when she orders two more rounds. You feel like you could definitely use just one night when you don’t think about Adam. He has been constantly occupying your thoughts on a daily basis and it’s pretty tiring, to say the least.

It’s been so long since the last time you and Ella had a great night out together, so you might go a little overboard with the drinks. An hour later you definitely feel drunk, head dizzy, words blur together in your mouth. Ella had the same amount, but she always took it better so she is enjoying the show you are putting up.

The two of you move over to the dance floor, just casually enjoying yourselves, some guy buys a drink for Ella and she shares it with you, though you probably should have said no to it. But you are no longer in the right state of mind to decide what to do.

Nearing midnight you really reach the point where you lose control over yourself. Ella drags you back to the table, sitting you down and gets you some water that you start sipping on, but you are not really present anymore in your mind.

“Shit, Y/N, how am I gonna bring you home?” she panics, the situation sobering her up pretty fast as you just sit there, eyelids threatening to close shortly as you lose focus with your eyes. You don’t just see double, everything is one big mass.

You mumble something back, but she can’t understand it and she realizes she doesn’t even know where you live. She tries to come up with a plan, but she has to realize she is not enough on her own to get you home. Fishing your phone out of your purse she grabs your thumb and opens it with your fingertip and goes straight to your contacts, looking for one particular name, hoping you have the number.

“Bingo,” she sighs in relief finding the contact name Adam S. and she doesn’t hesitate before dialing the number.

It takes a few rings until he finally answers.

“Y/N?”

“Hey, this is Ella, Y/N’s friend. I have a little situation here.”

“Okay?”

“Y/N is pretty wasted and I need help to take her home, since, um, I don’t even know where her home is.”

The line is silent for a few seconds before Adam speaks up in a stern voice.

“How bad is she?”

Turning to you Ella checks in on you, lifting your head up, but your eyes are closed and you just slur something under your breath.

“Pretty bad. I don’t think she can even stand up.”

“Shit. Alright, text me the address, I’m leaving now.”

Adam quickly gets dressed and leaves to the address Ella texts her from your phone. While waiting for him to arrive she tries her best to keep you in one piece, but it’s harder than she thought. Apparently, a completely drunk girl is just what also drunk guys want, so Ella has to face quite a few men who tries to hit on the two of you. She is outraged that people want to take advantage of someone who is truly not able to make decisions for herself.

When Adam finally arrives Ella is shouting at some random dude, who has tried to drag you away from her, but all you could do is giggle and you almost fell from the chair.

“Hey, ass rat. Why don’t you get the fuck out of here?” Adam snaps pulling the guy back who at first seems mad that someone dared to call him out, but seeing how much bigger Adam was than him, he realizes it’s better to just disappear.

“Thank God! They are like disgusting vultures!” Ella whines as Adam squats down next to you, taking a good look at you.

“Hey Kid, how are you feeling?” he asks tilting his head to the side.

You frown, turning your head in his direction and it takes some time for you to recognize him, but when you do, your whole face lights up.

“Adam! What’re ya doin’ here?” you gasp throwing your arms around his neck and hugging him, that definitely surprises him.

“Oh, okay. Hey, why don’t we get going? You’ll feel so much better at home.”

He talks smoothly, like he is talking to a little child and in some sense you are one at the moment. Curling an arm behind you and holding your hand with the other he slowly stands you up and starts walking you towards the exit as Ella follows the two of you right behind, carrying your purse.

He goes up to a cab waiting near the bar and gently, carefully sits you inside, shutting the door on you.

“Thanks, I’ll take care of her. You good on your own?” he asks taking your purse from Ella.

“Yeah, I’ll just get a cab for myself too. Thanks for helping.”

Ella takes one last look at you, sitting inside the car, already kind of dozed out before she parts ways. Adam gets into the car and tells the driver the address. As the car starts moving you immediately lean onto him, nuzzling your head into his shoulder and he freezes for a second.

“You’re comfy,” you mumble under your breath, making yourself comfortable on him. He hesitates, doesn’t know what to do, but then just puts his arm around you and keeps you at his side, gently rubbing your arm on the way home.

He can barely drag you up to the apartment once you arrive, you keep talking nonsense as you basically hang on him.

“Okay, just a few more steps,” he sighs, opening the door to your room and the two of you finally make it to your bed. You immediately collapse onto it, letting out a satisfied moan that has Adam gulping hard.

Your dress has ridden up on your thighs, revealing way more than what he has seen of you before, and your cleavage is also pretty gifting to his eyes at the moment.

“Mm, Adam?”

“Yes?” he asks as he tries his best to control his thoughts as he is taking your boots off.

“Why do you hate me?” you sigh, eyes closed, arms spread out to the sides.

He freezes, one hand wrapped around your ankle, the other one holding your boot.

“I… I don’t hate you, Y/N.”  
“Yes you do,” you mumble nodding.

“I definitely don’t. Why do you think I hate you?” He finally finishes with your boots and you reach for the bottom of your dress and start pulling it up. “Oh, maybe that can stay,” he quickly grabs your hands stopping you.

“I can’t sleep in this,” you whine, moving around and trying to free your hand from his hold. “Adam!”

“Jesus, okay! Can you change without help?” he asks finally letting you go.

“Mm,” you hum to yourself pushing yourself up. Stepping to your dresser he grabs a shirt and shorts he has seen you wear at home before and lays them to the edge of the bed before turning around to give you privacy.

He hears you shuffling around as he stands there, arms crossed on his chest, aimlessly looking around when he realizes he can see your reflection in the small mirror set on your dresser. His lips part seeing you in only your bra and lacy thong, throwing your dress to the side before reaching for the clothes he gave you.

He tells himself to just look away, but he can’t. His eyes just wouldn’t obey as he watches your body, how your breasts curve in your bra, the way your collarbones run along your shoulders, and the dip of your back that curves into your ass. Adam takes a deep breath when he feels himself hardening and quickly takes a small step to the side so you fall out of his sight finally.

“I’m done!” you announce and when he turns around you are lying on bed finally clothed.

“Do you feel like throwing up?” he asks sitting to the edge of the bed as you get under your covers, making yourself comfortable.

“Nah,” you sighs shaking your head with a grimace.

“Okay, then tell me why you think I hate you,” Adam says getting back to the original topic.

“Because… You’re weird.”

“I’m always weird.”

“But… You’re weird… _er_. To me. You ignore me. I don’t like that.”

“I’m not ignoring you, I just fetched you up from a bar. If I was ignoring you, I would have let you do whatever you want.”

“But you didn’t,” you sigh closing your eyes and Adam is afraid you’re gonna fall asleep so he selfishly shakes your leg to wake you up. “Stop!” you growl.

“I don’t hate you, Y/N. I’m just…”

He doesn’t even know why he is talking to you about it right now, when you are not clear. This is definitely not how he wanted to talk to you, to be exact, he didn’t think he would ever talk to you about it, because his thoughts have been killing him and he was just hoping it would all go away, but it didn’t.

“Do you hate me?” he finds himself asking.

“No. I think you are… great. I like you,” you smile to yourself, letting your head sink into the pillow again. “You are my favorite person here.”

“I am?” he asks surprised.

“Yeah. I don’t know many people though,” you chuckle to yourself turning to your side. “But you’re cool.”

Adam sits there in silence, taking your words in and he feels an odd warmness in his chest. Glancing over at you he watches your face relax and he thinks you have fallen asleep already. He thinks you’re cool too, he just doesn’t know if it would be appropriate to tell you.

Taking one last look at you he decides it’s time to let you sleep this all off. Standing up he is about to head out when you stop him.

“Adam?”

Turning back he sees that your eyes are barely open, but they are focused on him.

“Yes?”

“Can you stay?”

“Stay?”

You just nod your head flipping the covers as you scoot over to make him space. He just stands there, torn over what he should do. Every little bit of him wants to get into bed with you, but he still has that small little voice in the back of his mind that’s warning him that he is crossing a line.

“Please,” you pout your lips at him and it’s the last straw for him.

Sighing he kicks his shoes off and he crawls into bed next to you. The moment he pulls the covers over him you immediately cuddle to his side, making yourself comfortable pressed up against him. He has to take a few deep breaths before he can relax, putting an arm around your shoulders.

He just lies there, listening to your even breathing while staring up at the ceiling.

He’s been trying to behave for so long, but his feelings towards you are getting out of control and he feels like he doesn’t want to control them anymore. He is definitely losing his mind and it’s all because of you.

Your head feels like it’s getting hammered by trolls. You haven’t even opened your eyes but you already grimace at how hangover you’re feeling. You really shouldn’t have drunk so much, you’re gonna kill Ella for this the next time you see her.

“Fuck,” you groan rolling to your back and just as you realize how oddly shaped your pillow is under your head, it starts speaking.

“You good?”

Your eyes pop open and you see that Adam is lying next to you, an arm under your head, his hair messily covering his forehead.

“I… My head hurts,” you mumble, totally confused about what he is doing here, in your bed.

“I’ll get you something for that,” he sighs pushing himself up and scratching the back of his neck he walks out of the room and you hear him shuffle around outside. You quickly check if you have clothes on and you luckily do, though your dress you had on last night is gone and you don’t remember getting changed. To be exact, you don’t really remember anything after the third round of tequila. It all melts into a mass in your head, maybe you were dancing, you remember a guy came up to you, but have no idea what happened with him. Then Adam bringing you up to the apartment and that’s the end for you. Panic starts to set in when he appears with a glass of water and two Advils in his hand.

“Here,” he softly says as you take everything from him and chug the pills down with the water.

“Thanks,” you say, voice sounding throaty. “I, uhh—I’m gonna take a shower,” you quietly mumble slowly crawling out of bed. You just need some time to figure out what had happened last night that ended with Adam sleeping in your bed and you just can’t think when he is standing right in front of you.

The hot water feels like heaven on your skin and you take your time standing under the shower, trying to recall as much from last night as possible. It’s like trying to watch a damaged videotape, bits and parts are missing, other parts are just too grained and it’s so annoying. But by the time you wrap your towel around yourself you know a little more about last night than what you did in the morning.

You remember talking to Adam in your room, he gave you the clothes and then you changed on your own, luckily. You recall telling him that you like him, but you don’t know what he replied to that, maybe he didn’t even say anything.

When you walk out Adam is on the couch, reading a book. You plan on asking him what really happened last night, but you decide it’s better to get dressed at first. So a few minutes later you emerge from your room wearing a hoodie and yoga pants as you go over to the armchair and sit down, anxiously fidgeting with the hem of your hoodie.

“You okay, Kid?” he asks narrowing his eyes at you.

“Adam… What did we exactly talk about last night?”

He stares at you for a few seconds before closing the book and putting it aside and pushing himself up.

“Um, a few things.”

“But what exactly?”

“You… told me that you thought I hated you. Which I asked you about and you said that it’s because I act weird to you. I didn’t realize that, so I’m sorry about that.”

You quietly nod, taking everything he says in as he continues.

“Then I asked if you hated me. And you said… You said you liked me and that I’m your favorite person here, though you added that you don’t know many people in the city,” he chuckles lightly and you feel your cheeks burning.

“Way to brag about being socially awkward,” you mumble under your breath.

“S’okay. I think it’s cute.”

You raise your eyebrows at his words, didn’t expect to hear that for sure. But now you don’t know what to think about this whole situation. Just a few days ago Adam was totally ignoring your existence, barely talking to you and now he tells you it’s cute that you suck at socializing? And he spent the night in your bed?

You want to ask him what this all means, does this change anything? What will happen now? But you’re too afraid to speak up. Instead, you just decide to see it yourself. Worst case scenario he goes back to ignoring you.

But he doesn’t. It’s like you are going on a rollercoaster when it comes to Adam, sometimes it’s bad, really bad for no actual reason and then you are suddenly going up and at a blink of an eye he is all pleasant and nice to you. You just wish you could predict these tracks and not just go through them blindly.

The upcoming days are… amazing. That’s all you can say about them. You and Adam start hanging out on a daily basis, doing as many things together as possible, cooking together, watching movies on the evenings, having breakfast together before you both leave in the morning, it’s been quite the change and you don’t mind it.

However it has also brought a constant anxiety into your life, because your liking towards Adam has been growing wildly, but you often have to remind yourself that he is still in a relationship with Hannah, no matter that it’s been weeks since she left to Iowa. It feels so inappropriate when you find yourself zoned out on him, thinking about things that should never cross your mind about someone else’s boyfriend, but it’s so hard to control yourself.

Being good friends with Adam is an awesome and wholesome thing, but it’s really messing with your head and you decide you should do something before you fall too deep.

“Where you heading all dolled up?” he asks one evening when you are doing your makeup in the bathroom, already wearing a deep blue, flowy dress but you’re still barefoot.

Adam stands in the doorway, leaning against the frame as he watches you carefully applying mascara, fascinated by your delicate movements.

“Um… I uh…” You’re not sure if you should tell him, but then you tell yourself it’s stupid, he is your friend. “I have a date tonight.”

“A date?” he seems genuinely surprised and maybe a little offended? You’re not sure about that though. “I thought you don’t date.”

“Yeah, but…”

You’re not sure how to answer that. You really don’t date, or to be exact, you don’t want to, but you figured it would be a good way to distract yourself from your thoughts about Adam. It’s not really the best thing for your anxiety, but sometimes you have to push yourself out of your comfort zone and who knows? Maybe something nice will turn out of it.

“This guy from work asked me out and I thought maybe I could give it a go.”

“Why do you torture yourself?”

“It’s not torture,” you roll your eyes sighing and packing up your makeup stuff into your little bag before walking past him and going back to your room. He follows you and while you get around, gathering everything you need he flops down to your bed, playing with your furry pillow.

“You said it yourself that you hate the whole dating shit. Then why do you want to do it now? Why don’t you stay home? We could order food and watch something.”

“Let’s do that tomorrow. I can’t cancel on Tyler now.”

“Tyler, huh?”

“What?” you huff at his weird tone. He just holds up his hands in defend, like he has nothing against the whole situation when in real life, it’s eating him up on the inside.

He doesn’t like the idea of it at all. Thinking about you with some random dude, it has him shivering on the inside. What if he is a dick to you? What if he says something rude and hurts you? There are so many problems he could list if he was asked why you shouldn’t go out tonight.

“I’m just worried that you’ll just worsen your whole perspective about dating with tonight,” he shrugs his shoulders, trying to sound as innocent as possible.

“That’s nice of you, but I’m still going.”

You grab your jacket and purse, then quickly step into your shoes and head for the front door, ready to leave. Adam follows you out of your room, still not satisfied with the fact that you are going on a date.

“Call me if you need help,” he offers and you give him a puzzled look.

“Help with what?”

“If he turns out to be a complete douche and I don’t know, maybe he starts harassing you.”

“We work at the same place, if he would want to harm someone he wouldn’t have asked me out, because he would have to face me every day until one of us quits.”

“Okay, but still. Anything could happen.”

“Alright, thanks. I’ll see you later,” you flash a smile at him before walking out and shutting the door closed behind you.

Adam stands there for a couple more minutes, as if he is waiting for you to come back and say that you were just joking, you’re not actually going. But you don’t return and he is left with his irked nerves, not knowing what is happening with you.

He can barely stop himself from calling or texting you to see if you are doing alright, he tries everything to keep him busy, he even starts cleaning, but when he gets bored with everything he just sits on the couch, staring at the TV, waiting to hear the click of the door opening.

It’s past ten when you finally arrive back home, Adam basically jumps to his feet when he hears the door opening and you look at him surprised.

“What?” you ask confused as you shut the door closed and head into your room, Adam follows you right behind.

“So how was it?” He tries his best to sound neutral, like he is not dying to know how it all went down, deep down hoping that you’d say it was a disaster.

“It was… okay, I guess,” you shrug.

It wasn’t as bad as you expected, you knew Tyler is a nice guy, he took you to dinner and then you just walked around for a while, talking, before he walked you home. It was definitely not the date that is going to make you change your mind, but you could… make it through and that’s all that matters for now.

“Okay? That doesn’t sound too good.”

“Adam, what do you want to hear?” you sigh, a little too tired for this conversation right now. “I didn’t like the talking, I felt awkward, but it also wasn’t bad enough to make me want to cry, so yes, it was okay,” you explain hanging your jacket into your wardrobe.

“So does this mean you are seeing him again?”

“I don’t know.”

“What do you mean you don’t know?”

“That I don’t know! He hasn’t asked me out for a second date, so I don’t know and I’d love it if you stopped interrogating me about it,” you say giving him a look.

“I’m not interrogating you, I’m just curious.”

“Well, stop it.”

“Why, is it against the laws to want to know what happened?” he asks, sounding clearly hurt, but you feel like he is doing this for nothing. He doesn’t have the right to act like this.

“It’s not, but my dating life is not exactly your business, Adam. And I don’t mean it in a hurtful way, but this is the truth,” you start, reaching a point where you feel like you just can’t take it anymore. You’ve stayed silent for way too long. “Yes, we are friends, but it’s weird to share these kind of stuff with you. If I didn’t know that you are still dating Hannah, I would think you have other intentions, trying to make me not meet men. But you are still with her and I’m sure this is not what I think it is, right?”

There’s a hidden meaning behind what you are saying and you hope he is taking it in the right way. The two of you have been dancing on thin ice lately and you definitely don’t want to cross any dangerous lines. These feelings you’ve been battling are getting out of hands and the way he acts is definitely not helping, whatever his reasoning is behind it all.

“Yeah,” he finally nods. “You’re right, I’m sorry,” he mumbles before wandering out of your room.

For a moment you regret what you said, maybe you should have communicated in a nicer way, but then you realize it had to be done for your own sake.

The only thing that bugs you is that you’re afraid he is now going to go back to the cold, dour Adam you already know so well, but surprisingly, it doesn’t happen. He is just the same in the morning, smiley and bubble like before and you are kind of relieved to know he didn’t take your words too hard, but something in the back of your mind is telling you that the situation is about to take a concerning turning point soon.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The tension is growing, you have another date with Tyler while Hannah visits home from Iowa, but things don't turn out the way you planned.

It’s been hard on Adam as well and he has been struggling just as hard as you. The past couple of weeks has left him with a lot of emotions and he has been working on sorting them out, but it’s a situation he hasn’t faced just yet. Following Hannah’s departure Adam definitely had fears, but it took some time for him to realize they weren’t about her, but more about you. Living with you alone, with no third person scared him, because he has already been having inappropriate thoughts about you before and now that Hannah was away, he felt like he had one less thing to keep him in his place. He knows it’s not okay to watch you do your everyday things and think about how much he loves to just look at you, that catching himself thinking about you several times a day is not what he should be doing and that the endless jealousy he felt when he found out that you are going on a date scared him more than almost anything in life. When you told him the truth that’s hard to accept for the both of you, he kind of realized you were right, but when he lied in his bed that night, sleepless from his racing thoughts, he still couldn’t make himself believe it’s best if he keeps himself away from you. He has tried that already and it ended with him sleeping in your bed after that night you got drunk. There is just something in you that keeps pulling him in and he can do nothing against it. And slowly, he realizes he doesn’t _want_ to do anything. He is tired of fighting with himself.

He wants to know where this could lead, he just doesn’t know how to figure it out in a way that doesn’t hurt anyone.

A few days later Tyler asks you out on a second date to which you say yes and because of everything that went down you don’t tell Adam. Hannah is set to come back for the weekend exactly when you are going to go out with him again so you think it’s the perfect timing.

The week goes by pretty uneventfully. You and Adam hang out on evenings, usually having dinner together when he gets home in time from work, but when he doesn’t, you’re still up when he arrives so you just watch TV together for a while before you feel like you can’t keep your eyes open any longer. He is nice, chatty, seems to be okay with where you two are heading and it brings you a little peace too, knowing that you might have finally found balance.

Coming home from work that Friday, when you walk into the apartment Hannah greets you with a scream.

“Hey!” she throws herself on you and you barely catch her keeping your balance.

“You’re back!” you chuckle hugging her.

“Yeah, just got here like twenty minutes ago. How are you?”

“I’m good! Everything is fine.”

As you reply Adam walks out of their bedroom and joins the three of you, kissing the top of Hannah’s head and a rush of jealousy washes over you by this small gesture. It’s been quite long since you saw them together and almost forgot the fact that they are really a couple.

“How was living with Adam without me? Did he drive you crazy?” she asks grinning, glancing up at Adam and you notice the anxious look in his eyes that he tries to cover with a warm smile.

Did he drive you crazy? Kind of, and you guess he knows the answer too, he is just scared what you might tell Hannah, but you are not a petty person.

“No, he was alright,” you exhale smiling.

“Good, I’m glad you two got along well,” she nods as you and Adam look at each other and chills run down your spine from the look he gives you before turning back to Hannah. “We are having dinner at that new place a few corners from here, you wanna join us?”

“I’m sure you’d rather be alone.”

“No, I want you to come! This is my time for everyone here, not for just Adam. We’ll have the rest of the weekend together.”  
“Yeah, but…” you sigh, not wanting to go into the details why you don’t want to go, but she forces it out of you.

“What, do you have a date or something?”

“I…”

“You do!” she gasps. “Who’s the guy? Oh my God Y/N, that’s amazing!”

“Is this the Tyler guy again?” Adam sternly asks and looking at him you can’t really decide what his expression means.

“Yeah.”

“Wait, you’ve met him already? So it’s not the first date?”

“No, we had one already.”

“Is he taking you to dinner?”

“No, he said we are going to this art gallery opening.”  
“Okay, then you can have an early dinner with us, tell us everything about him and then meet him, this is just perfect!”

“I think she doesn’t want to share the details, Hannah,” Adam chimes in, trying to hold his girlfriend back, but she is just too stubborn and you both know that.

“I demand to be told about it! Go, get ready, we are leaving in thirty,” she urges you and you just know you can’t say no to her.

An hour later the three of you are sitting at a small table in this restaurant that you just can’t tell if it’s Italian or Japanese, but you let this detail slip.

“So, let’s hear everything! How did you meet him, what is he like, is he treating you right?” Hannah seems excited to hear all about Tyler, but she is probably the only one feeling that way at the table.

“Maybe not everything,” Adam mumbles, his eyes focused on the menu even though you’ve already ordered. Hannah dismisses his comment.

“Um, we work at the same place, he is on HR. He is nice, I guess,” you shrug, feeling nervous to talk about it all, especially with Adam sitting right in front of you.

“Is he cute?”

“He… is.”

“Has he kissed you? Or have you already slept with him?”

“Hannah,” Adam growls and she looks at him confused as you try not to choke on your own saliva by her blunt questions.

“What?” she growls turning to Adam. “Out of the three of us you are the least prude person, so what is your problem?”

“We are in a fucking… restaurant. Have some morals,” he quietly tells her, but she just rolls her eyes at him before turning back to you.

“Um, nothing has happened yet,” you say and your eyes meet Adams. You wish you could read his thoughts right at that moment, because there is something in his eyes, but you just can’t tell what it is.

“Oh, he is moving slow, how romantic,” she smiles to herself as you just awkwardly nod. You don’t share the detail that he has tried to kiss you last time, you just ducked and his lips ended up on your cheeks. You were really not into getting physical so fast and luckily he seemed to understand and accept your decision.

“So, how is Iowa?” you ask with the pure intention of diverting the attention away from you to her. You watch her face drop a little, but then her smile is back a moment later.

“Oh, it’s nice. I don’t have many classes, so I have tons of time to write.”

“That’s nice! I’m glad you are enjoying your time.”

“Yeah!” she nods, but you feel like it’s not genuine.

The rest of the dinner is just as awkward as the beginning was. You hate sitting there and watching Hannah and Adam be affectionate with each other. This is a whole new level of third-wheeling, because when they kiss at one point, you catch Adam’s eyes on you and it makes you want to scream. The intensity of the moment is just throwing you over the edge, you hate this, you hate seeing them together and you just don’t understand. It’s not like a new thing, you literally lived together for months before she left, what’s so different now?

You can’t wait for the moment it’s time for you to leave and when it finally comes you basically flee.

“It’s been great to talk, I hope you’re gonna have a nice evening together!” you say forcing yourself to smile before hugging Hannah goodbye and heading towards the exit.

You’re almost out the door when someone grabs your wrist and turning back you see Adam standing in front of you.

“Wait, I just…”

He struggles to find the right words as you wait for him to finally tell you what he wants.

“Yes, Adam?” you urge him to speak.

“What I told you before the last date still stands.”

“I’m not sure what you’re talking about,” you furrow your eyebrows at him confused.

“That if you need help, just call me.”

“Thanks, but I’m sure everything is going to be alright. Besides, just enjoy your time with Hannah.”

That second part comes out a little spicier than you intended, you can actually see the change in his eyes, but before he could say anything else you just turn around and walk out.

You take a few minutes to yourself outside in the cold night air. This past few hours has been harder on you than you would actually admit and now the thought of them spending the rest of the evening together just makes you want to cry even though this is the most normal thing to happen on the planet since they are a couple.

You hate this, you really do, because you really thought things are going to get better after what went down recently between you and Adam, but Hannah’s return just made it a hundred times harder and made you feel worse than ever.

When you finally get your shit together you head to the subway because you are already a little late.

No matter how hard you try, you can’t get your mind fully away from Adam and it shows. Tyler is trying his best to make this evening as nice as possible, but you just can’t wait to go home, crawl into bed and cry yourself to sleep probably. The date cuts shorter than last time as you tell him you’d really like to head home when he suggests to go for a walk just like last time.

“Thanks for everything, Tyler,” you smile at him when you arrive to your building.

“I hope you didn’t find it too boring,” he chuckles scratching the back of his neck.

“No! I really liked it, so thank you.”

“Alright…” There is a short pause before he steps closer and he tries to kiss you again.

And you turn away, again.

But this time, the reaction is a little different.

“Okay, this is not cool, Y/N,” he sighs, clearly frustrated by the situation.

“I’m sorry?”

“This is not middle school where you hold hands for six months straight before you let the guy kiss you for the first time.”

“Are you mad because I’m not kissing you? I’m really not feeling well, this is why I would rather not.”

“Why do I feel like you’ll always have an excuse? You know what? Last time I let it slip because I thought you are just a little shy, but this gotta be something else.”

The fact that he is pissed at you for such a nonsense thing is making you mad as well, wanting to just punch him right now.

“Grow up and learn to respect others, Tyler,” you spat at him, but he just scoffs.

“You telling me to grow up is the joke of the month, honestly. Other girls usually ask me to come up at this point and you don’t even let me kiss you, this is just ridiculous!”

“Well I’m not like other girls!” you retort and you are just about to turn around and leave this unbelievable conversation when he grabs your wrist and yanks you back, causing you to almost lose your balance and fall.

“I’m not fucking done with you! You can’t just walk away from me when I’m still talking!” he sneers through his teeth, hand gripping your wrist tightly.

“Let me go, asshole,” you hiss at him trying to free yourself, but he is just too strong and his hold is starting to get really painful, probably already leaving a mark on your skin.

He is just about to say something else when the door to the building flies open and the next thing you know is that someone just throw a punch at Tyler, and he lets go of you to cover his nose that immediately starts bleeding.

“Oh shit,” you gasp, in shock at the sudden events and you turn to see a very angry looking Adam, shaking his hand lightly and he definitely looks like he is ready to kill Tyler any moment.

“You better get the fuck away from here, you fucker, before I break your neck!” he warns him and Tyler stares back in shock, the blood staining his shirt.

For a moment you feel like he is going to hit back, but then he decides it’s better to leave. He mumbles something under his breath before spitting on the pavement right in front of you and then walks away.

“Are you okay?” Adam turns to you, the threatening tone is long gone from his voice, turning soft in just a heartbeat. He cups your face in his hands, checking if you have anything on you, but there’s nothing, just pure shock in your eyes.

“I-I’m alright. It’s just my hand,” you whimper, feeling the tears building up in your eyes as it all crashes at you once. He gently takes your hand, taking a look at it and it’s a deep shade of red and you’re already sure it’s going to bruise by the morning.

“Come on, let’s go back inside,” he softly says wrapping an arm around your shoulders as he pulls you to his side and walks you up to the apartment.

You sit on the couch, sniffing quietly as he gets you an icepack, and you still can’t believe this just happened.

“Here,” he sighs joining you on the couch, handing you the icepack. You mumble a faint thank you as you push it to your skin, hissing at the sudden coldness of it. “Are you sure he didn’t hurt you anywhere else?”

“No, he didn’t have the chance, you arrived in time,” you say with a sad smile.

“What the fuck happened though?” he asks with a grimace, running his fingers through his hair.

“He… got mad at me because I didn’t want to kiss him. He said we are not in middle school and girls usually ask him to go up at this point. Told him I’m not like that and he didn’t take it well.”

“That dickhead!” he curses shaking his head.

“How did you know you had to come down? And where’s Hannah?” The questions start to flow into your mind as you slowly adjust to the happenings around you. The apartment seems quiet, you’re more than sure she is not home.

“She went out with Jessa and Marnie,” he shrugs and you find it odd that she spends her first night out with friends instead of being with Adam, but you don’t say anything about it.

“And my other question?” you ask remembering he never answered the first question.

“Huh?”

“How did you know you had to come down?”

“I uhh… I was just looking out the window and spotted you two. When I saw his annoying ass face turn from a smile into that fucking frown I knew something was about to happen.”

“Were you waiting by the window?” you quietly ask.

“What? No, I wasn’t.”

“So it was all one big coincidence?”

“Yeah,” he nods, but you see right through him and he knows it too. “Okay, fuck it! I was waiting at the window, you happy now?”

“But why?”

“Why? Because I’m one big fucking loser and I wanted to see the fucker you are seeing. I wanted to see how you look at him, if he makes you laugh, if he is what you deserve.”

He exhales sharply, pouring his heart out finally. He has been holding it all back for too long and he just can’t keep himself back anymore.

“I hated the thought of you being with someone, I could barely sit still after you left and when Hannah said she is meeting her friends I just came home and stood at the fucking window like some fucking creep, waiting for you to finally come home.”

You stare at him completely shocked at his sudden confession, not knowing what to do or say, but one thing is for sure; his words are making your heart flip.

“I can’t keep pretending like I’m fine with just being friends with you, because I’m not! And it’s literally the worst feeling ever, and I—“

He doesn’t get to finish, because without really thinking through what you are doing you move forward and press your lips to his, kissing him hard, dropping the icepack from your hand to cup his face in your palms.

It takes him a moment to realize what’s happening, but when he finally does, he doesn’t waste any more seconds. Wrapping his arms around you he pulls you to his lap and you put a knee on each of his sides, pressing up against him while your lips move in sync.

You feel him in every bit of your body, it’s like electricity. You’ve thought about what it would like to kiss him before, but reality is nothing like those ridiculous daydreams. The way he pulls on your bottom lip, how his fingers dive into your hair on the back of your head and feeling his broad shoulders under your palms, it’s just making your mind explode. You want to kiss him every day for the rest of your life, feel his plump lips on yours all the time, the weight of his arms around your body, the way his hair sticks to your forehead upon touching.

It all crashes when you suddenly hear Hannah’s laugh coming from outside and in a blink of an eye you push him away and jump off him, shocked at what you just did. The two of you stare at each other for a moment at a complete loss of words for what just happened, but when you hear Hannah’s key wiggle in the lock you decide it’s time to disappear.

Covering your mouth with your hand you run into your room and shut the door closed just when she walks in. You press your back against it sliding down to the floor and you hear their conversation while you just sit there in utter shock.

“Y/N?” she calls after you. “I wanted to ask how her date went,” she sadly sighs.

“Um, she… It wasn’t the best,” you hear Adam answer and your throat closes up at hearing his voice.

“Really? What did she say?”

“The dude was a dick. I think she just wants to sleep it off,” he cleverly says so Hannah won’t come into your room to interrogate.

You hear him talk about her evening before they move into their bedroom and the voices become too muffled to make out what they are saying. You don’t know how long you sit there on the floor, but after a while you just blankly crawl up to the bed and pulling the covers over your head you pray to wake up with an easier heart, because right now it feels like you are carrying a rock in your chest, thinking about what you just did.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Facing the consequences of your actions.

You sleep for fourteen hours straight, making it already noon when you wake up the next day. You feel like you’ve been hit on the head or like maybe you have a hangover, but it’s neither of those, you just had the most stressful day yesterday and as the thoughts crawl back to you the anxiety shakes through your body again.

You really did just make out with your second cousin’s boyfriend last night, officially winning the title of worst relative on planet Earth. You feel horrible, even disgusted by yourself and the fact that you have to face her now is just sickening. You deserve to be punched in the stomach at least.

As you walk out of your room you are met with a dead silent apartment, everyone is gone. You take a quick trip to the bathroom before heading to the fridge to find something to eat after your hibernation.

Just when you are about to pour cereal into a bowl the front door opens and a shirtless Adam walks in, probably back from his usual run. Both of you freeze for a moment seeing each other, given the circumstances of the last time you two interacted.

“Hey,” he softly says closing the door and stopping a few feet away from you.

“Hi,” you breathe out nervously.

“I feel like we definitely should talk,” he suggests and you just silently nod even though you have no idea what you want to tell him. You haven’t had the time to figure it all out. “Hannah went back to Iowa this morning,” he admits and you frown.

“Already?”

“Yes. Things hasn’t been… the best between us.”

You nod, curious where he is heading with what he wants to say, the new information about them slowly sinking in.

“This whole Iowa thing has taken a toll on us clearly and we both know. We haven’t said it out, but I’m pretty sure the next time we meet we’ll call it quits. This is not working and I don’t want to pretend like it is. I wanted to tell her this morning, but she was kind of in a hurry, saying that she forgot to hand some papers in, so I didn’t want to get into this conversation while she was on the run. But it’s gonna happen when she comes back, I just don’t want to do it on the phone either.”

It’s a lot at first and you just slowly nod as he walks a little closer, leaning against the counter, eyes focused on you.

“Look, I know guilt has been probably eating you up alive, so I definitely thought this is something you needed to know. And now that it’s out… we can talk about… about us.”

You stay silent a little longer, trying to find the words and Adam just patiently waits for you to speak up.

“What do you think about what happened last night?” you shyly ask. Things happened, but you never found out how he saw it all.

“I think it was the best fucking thing that has happened to me in a while,” he chuckles and his reply makes you smile. You were afraid he sees it in a different way, but now you are sure you’re on the same page.

“So you don’t regret it?”

“Not even a bit, no,” he shakes his head confidently. “Do you regret it?”

“A little,” you admit truthfully. “Because of Hannah.”

“I get that,” he nods. “It’s a complicated situation. But… I really want to give it a try. To give us a try.”

Chewing on his words you try to figure out what would be the best to do. After hearing how they are now with Hannah your guilt is still not completely gone, because regardless of all the problems they are having they are still technically a couple and he basically just cheated on her with you.

“I don’t want anything to happen until you are still with her.”

“But—“

“I know,” you cut him off already knowing what he wants to say. “But my conscience just wouldn’t able to live with it if anything happened before you called it quits officially. Even after, it’s a whole different story, because she is family, but at least I won’t feel like a cheating slut.”

Adam clearly doesn’t agree with you, but he respects your will, he understands your reasoning and he definitely doesn’t want you to suffer even more than what you already did.

“Alright. I can live with that,” he nods.

“So… friends until…?” you ask with a shy smile.

“Friends until we break up. Yeah,” he nods returning the smile. “Can I at least hug you?”

“Yeah, sure,” you chuckle and a moment later his long arms wrap around you, pulling you to his naked chest.

A part of your heart is aching that it’s not a grand romantic story, because the two of you started off the worst possible way, and now that these confessions have been finally made it’s still complicated and not what you imagined for yourself.

But you know one thing for sure: you are falling for Adam Sackler harder than you did for anyone in your life before.

Already thinking about the next steps to be taken, you start looking for a new place knowing well living with Hannah will never be an option. You just wouldn’t be able to look into her eyes even if she’ll know about everything and decide to forgive you.

“You could live with me,” Adam suggests one morning when the two of you are having breakfast together and you are checking out yet another apartment online.

“That’s not an option.”

“Why? We’ve been living together for months and it’s working out.”

“Yeah, but it would be different and I’m not ready for that.”

You can tell he doesn’t agree, but he keeps his thoughts to himself, he has been doing this a lot. The amount of patience he has been showing to you is just incredible, honestly. You were afraid this whole slowing down thing wouldn’t work out, but it did all thanks to Adam.

Looking up at him from your computer you see him deep in his thoughts as he drinks up the rest of his milk and you shut the laptop down leaning closer to him, putting a hand to his knee.

“Hey, this is not against you.”

“I know,” he nods.

“Then what’s bothering you?”

“I just… I keep wishing things weren’t this complicated.”

“Well, we can’t change the past, so let’s just… look forward. It’ll be okay,” you say squeezing his knee gently before returning to your breakfast.

Living with someone you know you’ll be romantically involved with very soon is just a situation you never thought you would face or that it even exists. You keep showing affection to each other in a very subtle way, tiny touches, secret looks, hidden smiles, but nothing crosses the line actually, you just both think about it, but don’t do it, making promises to the times when you’ll be actually able to do whatever you want.

One evening when Adam comes home from work you are on the couch, watching some random documentary on the TV.

“Hey,” he breathes out throwing his stuff into his room before joining you on the couch. Taking your feet he lifts them up and after sitting down he pulls them to his lap.

“How was the play today?” you ask with a tired smile.

“Good, almost messed up a line but it was alright.”

“Crazy I’ve never seen you on stage.”

“You want to?”

“Yeah, I’m interested what you’re like when you are not… you.”

Adam lets out a chuckle as his fingers start to gently work on your feet, massaging it like a professional. You hum at the feeling, sliding lower on the couch so your head is on the armrest.

“Is this a hint that you are into roleplaying?”

“What?” you chuckle with a frown.

“You said you want to know what it’s like when I’m not me. That’s what roleplaying is based on.”

“Yeah, but I was talking about acting, not about sex,” you say feeling yourself growing anxious about where this conversation is heading.

Talking about sex is always hard for you. You’ve never been that open about sex like you know Hannah is, the only person you’ve slept with is your ex-boyfriend and even with him, it took months for you to get comfortable enough to have sex. The whole topic just brings you a lot of anxiety you don’t know how to deal with, so most of the time you just try to avoid talking about it, but there are some cases when it’s not an option and you feel like this is slowly turning into one too.

Adam examines you curiously as you keep your eyes focused on the TV, trying to ignore his stare, but you can’t fool him.

“Did I say something wrong?”

“No,” you shake your head, still not looking at him.

“Okay, then why are you so tensed suddenly?”

“I’m not tensed.”

“Y/N, we made a promise to be honest. This situation is fucked up enough already, we don’t need more bullshit in it.”

You bite down on your bottom lip, hating the fact that you can’t hide your feelings and thoughts. And also how he is right, you really did make a promise about that a few days after everything went down and now you are breaking it.

Peeking up at him your gaze meets his soft eyes as he rests his head against the back of the couch, waiting for you to speak up.

“Come on, you can tell me anything.”

“I just… hate talking about this.”

“About what? Sex?”

“Sort of,” you shortly nod.

“Why? Did something happen in the past that made you uncomfortable?”

“No,” you sigh shaking your head. “It’s just… it’s a touchy subject for me, I was never open about it. Intimacy doesn’t come easy for me and…”

You cut yourself off as the words form in your mind, but you realize you are afraid to say them out loud.

“Y/N, talk to me!” he pleads in a low voice and you let out a whiny sigh losing your patience with yourself and the whole situation.

“Adam, I’ve heard things about you before. I know how you and Hannah started off, the kinky stuff you’ve done and I’m just not like that. I’m anxious when it comes to sex because I honestly don’t have too much experience in it given the fact that I’ve only been with one person ever in my life and I definitely don’t feel comfortable with this whole… thing.”

He stares at you silently and you immediately feel judged and this is truly what you were trying to avoid, but here you are.

“I know you said it’s okay if we take things slow, but I’m… I’m afraid I’m too slow for you.”

Wording your fears you’ve been thinking about for a while now is scary, especially because as always, you can’t read his face and it’s driving you crazy. He is silent for longer than you’d like him to be, but then he finally speaks up.

“You know I’m an alcoholic, right?” he asks and for a moment you’re not sure if it’s a trap. He didn’t tell you this, you know this just like a lot of other stuff because Hannah likes to run her mouth. You nod your head shyly. “And did Hannah tell you about the fight we had about this whole kinky shit?”

“No.”

“Alright,” he nods, ready to tell you all about it. “Yes, I used to do weird shit when it came to sex, that’s just how I used to be. As long as I found someone who was willing to do it with me, I didn’t see it as a problem, because that was what kept me back from drinking. But then I started dating Hannah, a lot of shit went down and I changed. Just like everyone, I changed and my preferences changed with me. I didn’t need what I needed before, I didn’t have these elaborate fantasies, because… reality was enough for me. We had a fight about it, because she thought that it was her fault I’m not into those bullshit things anymore and I had to tell her that it’s all because I’ve matured and changed. My life is nothing like it was before, I’m in a way better place now and it sucks that people who knew about my shit back then can still judge me about it.”

You sit there in silence, soaking up every word that leaves his mouth and you feel slightly ashamed that you were so fast to judge him for something you heard months ago.

“I did enjoy doing fucked up shit during sex, but that was a long time ago. I don’t need that shit anymore to distract me, because I’m completely fine with just being with the person who I’m with. And that is you right now. I want to be with you, as me, not like someone else.”

You feel tears forming in your eyes and you wish you weren’t so easy to make cry. Adam grabs your ankle and pulls you closer, so your leg is across his thighs and he puts his hands to your hips leaning close to you.

“I can do slow, if that’s what you want. I’m okay with that. Because I just want to be with you and want to make you feel comfortable around me. I want to make you feel happy and secure.”

“Stop it,” you choke out chuckling lightly.

“Stop telling you the truth?” he smiles at you, giving your hipbones a light squeeze. You sit like that for a while, you sniffling a little as Adam just silently watches you. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I never talk about it,” you admit, but he shakes his head.

“That’s not what I asked. Do you want to talk about it?” he repeats his question and you think for a moment before shrugging your shoulders.

“I guess I’m anxious because I don’t have experience. With Ben, my ex, I was always just… there for him. I mean we were basically kids when we got together, neither of us really knew what we were doing and we fell into a habit and it was mostly about… him. It sounds bad, I know.”

“It doesn’t, we all start off in an unsure way. You just got stuck with the same person and it made it harder for you to experience what you want, but that’s okay. It doesn’t make you less.”

“So you don’t think of me different, knowing that I’m unexperienced?” you shyly ask.

“Of course not,” he smiles tilting his head. “I think it’s going to make it all… special.”

It’s like a rock has been lifted off your shoulders. You were really afraid of this aspect of your forming relationship with Adam, but he took it in the best way possible, just strengthening you in your belief that you are heading in the right direction.

“I really want to kiss you right now, so I’m gonna go and have a shower to clear my head,” he sighs lifting your legs up so he could stand up. Flipping his hair into place he heads to the bathroom when you call out after him.

“Adam, wait.”

He stops and watches you with curious eyes as you walk over to him. Placing your hands to his chest you tiptoe and press a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth. When your heels get back to the floor you just shyly smile up at him.

“Thank you,” you whisper tilting your head to the side as he returns the smile. He doesn’t reply, just kisses your forehead and disappears in the bathroom.

You mostly never know when you wake up in the morning that something life-changing is going to happen that day. You start it just the way you always do and then things just happen and at the end of the day you can’t believe you didn’t see it all coming.

It’s a Friday morning, the day you are moving all your stuff into the new apartment you finally found. You’ve told Hannah already that you are moving out, she sounded completely fine with your decision even though she didn’t know the real reason behind your leaving. The place you are moving into is not too far from Hannah’s apartment and close enough to Adam’s place he rented for the time he is going to move out, just the perfect place, a one bedroom apartment just for yourself, to start a new chapter in your life. You try your best not to feel like you are just getting ready for a betrayal, you like to think this is what must be done.

After an early breakfast Adam and you start your rounds with your boxes and bags to your new place, going back and forth for hours. It’s past 1 pm when the last box finally arrives and you are ready to unpack.

“I like how close this is to my place,” he huffs while you are putting your books on the shelves.

“It was kind of a reason why I liked it,” you smile back at him and he gives you an amazed smirk, liking the fact that you had considered him as a factor while looking for your new home.

“I gotta head back home, I’m meeting my agent soon. You’ll be fine on your own?” he asks kissing the top of your head.

“Yeah. Wanna swing by later?”

“Sure, I can bring food,” he offers and you nod. “See you later, Kid,” he smiles at you before walking out.

You get lost in your own little world, unpacking everything and finding the right place for your stuff and hours go by. When it’s dark outside you find your phone that you haven’t checked in long under your pillows and you see that you had a text from Adam about an hour ago.

_“Hannah showed up, I’m gonna talk to her.”_

Your stomach immediately drops as you read his words. You were not ready for this at all and you haven’t even really talked about what he is going to tell her. Is he gonna tell her about you? Are they still talking? How did Hannah take the breakup?

“Shit,” you mumble anxiously, feeling the urge to go back to the apartment to check in on them.

What if he doesn’t break up with her? What if he doesn’t want to leave her, he was just playing with you?

There are millions of questions crossing your mind as you nervously pace the floor back at forth, trying to figure out what to do. You are just about to get your stuff and leave when you get another text from Adam.

_“I told her about us, I’m sorry, I didn’t want to but it slipped! She fucking locked me into the apartment, I think she is going to see you. I’m trying to get out.”_

“Oh my fucking… Shit!” you curse again, your hands shaking from fear when suddenly there’s a violent knock on your door.

“Let me the fuck in, Y/N!” Hannah demands, nonstop hitting the door with her hand. For a moment you think about not letting her in, but you can’t do that. You have to face her.

You take a deep breath as you turn the lock and open the door just to find a raging, red-eyed Hannah standing there.

“You could you,” she hisses pushing her way inside. “How could you do this to me?”

Closing the door you slowly turn around in a complete loss of words, giving the perfect chance for Hannah to lash out on you.

“I fucking trusted you! And what do you do? Steal my boyfriend when I’m away? Y/N, this is so fucked up! How long has the two of you been sneaking behind my back?”

“We-we didn’t. It was just one kiss a-and nothing else happened, I swear!”

“And I’m supposed to believe that? How fucking believable is it that you two didn’t do anything while I was away after that kiss happened?”

“I didn’t want anything to happen until he hasn’t sorted things out with you!”

“How fucking generous! Am I supposed to say thank you?” she scoffs throwing her hands into the air. “This is literally the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen, Y/N, and the fact that it came from a family member, is just blowing my mind.”

“Hannah, he said you were already having problems, not connected to me,” you whisper, trying to fight your tears back, but your vision is turning blurry already.

“But that doesn’t mean you can just scoop in and be the shoulder he cries on and then fuck him!” she screams and you jump a little at her voice. “But you know what? You two deserve each other!” she spats. “I hope the poisonous thought of how you two played me will keep you together forever! And I hope you are proud of yourself for ruining my life!”

Finishing up she marches past you and just walks out, shutting the door behind her as you just stand there, tears running down your face, completely and utterly disgusted by yourself. Because every word she said was true. You really did just played her and for what? Because you couldn’t behave like an adult and control yourself around Adam?

You deserved every bit of it and it has opened your eyes.

You have no idea how much time goes by when you hear another knock on the door and you jump at the sudden noise of it.

“Y/N? Are you okay? Did she come here?” Adam speaks up on the other side and your body just can’t move. You stare at the door like it’s him, the tears still soaking your cheeks, but you are just unable to move. “Y/N please let me in!” he begs, but you can’t do that. You can’t face him.

“Adam, go away,” you call out in a shaky voice.

“What did Hannah tell you? She was just mad about the whole thing, I’m sure she didn’t mean half the stuff she told you! Please just let me in so we can talk without this fucking door between us!”

“Go away!” you repeat and as the words leave your mouth you choke out.

“Fuck!” he slams his hand on the door. “I’m gonna break this fucking door if you don’t let me in, I already broke one door today, don’t fucking test me!”

Rushing over to the door you lean against it, like you could stop him from breaking it when in reality you know he would easily sweep you off your feet if he decided to break the door.

“Adam, please go away. This is not working,” you beg him and hearing your words coming from closer he forgets about breaking in, he just leans against the door wishing it wasn’t there.

“I thought we had a deal. I know it didn’t turn out how we wanted, but I still want to be with you. Do you not want to be with me?”

“Don’t make it harder than how it already is. Just admit, it would have never worked.”

“How do you know if we never tried?”

“Not under these circumstances. Hannah was right, we played her and it’s the most disgusting thing ever.”

“Fucking Hannah and her manipulation! She was just angry at the situation, I’m sure she wanted to be the one to break up with me, so now she is playing the drama queen like always to make herself the biggest fucking victim! Don’t fall for her stupid shit!”

“Go away, Adam,” you repeat as you already made your mind up. This is not going to happen, it would have never worked and now you just want to live with the guilt that’s slowly eating you up alive, because that’s exactly what you deserve.

“Y/N, just open the fucking door, let me see you!”

“But I don’t want to see you. Goodbye, Adam,” you say before pushing yourself away from the door and going to the farthest corner of the apartment to get as far away from him as possible.

He doesn’t leave for another hour or so, talking to you through the door, but you never answer. You’re afraid he will for real break your door, but he stays outside. At one point you realize he hasn’t spoken in a long time, so you tiptoe to the peephole and you see no one outside.

Softly opening the door you peek outside to make sure he is gone and you just find the empty hallway, no sign of Adam. He is gone.

He really is gone, and even though you wanted him to be gone, it still breaks your heart. It’s like for the first time in your life, you are completely alone and this void is pulling you in, no matter what you try to tell yourself.

Adam has become a huge part of your life and you realize that you shouldn’t have depended on him so bad, because your relationship was doomed from the first moment and you should have known that. You should have been smarter than that. But now you are left on your own, living with the consequences of your poor life choices.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just the ending you all have been waiting for!

If you had to specify the worst period in your life, you’d point to the three months that followed that one hell of a day, without hesitation. You never in your life would have thought you’d end up this hurt, because you somehow always thought you’d have Adam. But you didn’t, because you decided to push him away and even though it broke you in every possible way, you still told yourself it was the right decision to make. The only one you thought you’d made in a while.

He tried to call you hundreds of times for a week after everything that has happened, but you declined all of his calls, and if he left you a voicemail, you just deleted it without even listening, because you knew if you heard his voice that would just make it even harder.   
You wanted to call him a lot of times, when you were questioning if you’ve made the right decision, your fingers lingered over his contact in your phone several times, but you never called.

For obvious reasons Hannah broke all contact with you and you couldn’t blame her. You deserved everything you got from her and maybe even more. Her words burnt into your mind and you found yourself repeating them in your thoughts quite often, as if your consciousness wanted you to remember how horrible of a person you are. Not that it wasn’t true, to be honest.

It took you three months to somewhat settle down and be able to continue with your everydays after everything that has happened. But it doesn’t mean you forgot any of it. That void Adam left in you was still there, you just learned to ignore it and pretend like you don’t miss him every day of your life.

Tyler quit after the incident with you, being the clever grown man that he is, so at least you had one less thing to worry about. But your days started to blur into one big mess. It took you long to actually try to pull yourself out of this slumber-like state. What really helped you is that you started taking yoga classes. Twice a week you took one hour to yourself, to connect with yourself and do something for your own good.

There’s a juice bar near the studio where you go and you are heading there right now as well, dreaming about a freshly pressed green juice. Walking in you are welcomed by the tiny bells above the door and the sound brings a smile to your face as you stand in line.

When you finally get your juice and pay for it turning around you look for an empty table where you can peacefully read through your emails until you finish your juice, but you stop breathing for a second when your eyes meet a familiar gaze.

“Hannah,” you breathe out as she is looking right back at you from a table in the corner. She has her phone in her hands and a sandwich with a red juice on the table.

“Want to sit?” she offers and for a moment you feel like this is a trap. “Come on, I’m not gonna scream at you I promise,” she chuckles taking her bag away from the empty chair at the table and you take the seat shyly.

“Thank you. I didn’t know you come here.”

“I don’t. I was just in the neighborhood and got hungry,” she shrugs looking down at her half eaten sandwich.

There is a long, awkward silence between the two of you and you have no idea what you should say. The last time you saw her she was basically cursing you out for stealing her boyfriend, but now she seems cool with being around you, which is quite surprising to you.

“So, it’s been long since we last saw each other, huh?”

“Yeah,” you nod, a thousand things on your mind that you want to say, but none of them really comes out. So then you say that one thing that obviously needs to be said. “Hannah, I’m so sorry for everything then went down. I don’t know what has gotten into me, I honestly didn’t want to hurt you, that was never my intention.”

“I know,” she nods with a warm smile and you are more than surprised by her reaction.

“You do?”

“Yeah,” she chuckles. “Look I’m not saying that what you did was right and that I wasn’t supposed to be mad at you, because it was pretty fucked up, I hope you see that. But I lashed out on you a little too hard and not even for the right reason. I mean, when Adam accidentally dropped that you two have kissed, my mind went into chaos pretty fast.”

“That’s the normal reaction to finding out such thing.”

“Yeah, but I wasn’t mad because you kissed. I mean, kissing is not even that big of a deal, I have kissed Elijah several times when I was dating other men. Now I know that he is gay, but you get the point, right?”

You just nod, thinking you are following her trail of thoughts though you’re not sure where she is heading with it.

“I was hurt that you two had feelings, I’ll admit that. I wasn’t expecting it to happen, but I’m mature enough to know that it’s not really something you have control over. I mean, I couldn’t control my feelings when Adam and I were just casually sleeping together and I fell for him. I didn’t mean that to happen, but it did!” she chuckles and you crack a smile as well. “Listen,” she sighs laying her hands out on the table. “I’m sorry for calling you disgusting, that was a little… too over the top.”

“Honestly, I think you had every right,” you sigh shaking your head.

“No,” she sighs. “The main reason why I was mad was because… I wasn’t the one who pulled the plug.”

You stare at her for a few moments, confused by what she meant by those words.

“I’m sorry?”

“Yeah, you heard it right. I wanted to be the one to break up with Adam and it bothered me that I ended up being dumped. It hurt my ego, because I was very sure I’d be the one to just end it and walk away like this badass, independent woman, but my breakup plan didn’t go as planned. When I went home that day with the pure intention of breaking up with him we quickly got into a fight and Adam just blurted it out, that he has feelings for you and that you already kissed and he wants to break up, right before I could say it so he took my chance. I didn’t get to be the one who ended it and it bothered me way more than it should have.”

“Hannah…”

“I’m sorry for being a bitch, it was really unnecessary. It still doesn’t change the fact that you fucked my boyfriend,” she adds pointing at you.

“Oh, I didn’t fuck him,” you shyly correct her and genuine surprise shows on her face.

“Really? Because I thought Adam just didn’t want to make me angrier and that’s why he said you just kissed.”

“No. When the kiss happened I felt so ashamed that I told him that nothing can happen until you and him are not officially done. I know it doesn’t make the whole situation better, but I wasn’t gonna be that girl who sleeps with someone else’s boyfriend.”

“Huh,” she huffs to herself, rearranging her whole viewing of what has happened. “Okay, this makes it a little better, still fucked up, but not that much.”

“Good to know. Not that it changes anything, but… yeah.”

“So you really haven’t talked to Adam since then,” she figures from the way you look.

“Did you?”

“I did,” she nods and you raise your eyebrows at her. This conversation is full of surprises. “We met about a month ago at Ray’s birthday. At first we were awkwardly avoiding each other, but then he actually came up to me and apologized.”

“That’s nice.”

“Yeah. Following that, we had a nice talk and I can really tell the guy is suffering.”

“What?” you whisper, feeling your heart immediately breaking.

“He didn’t take it well that you shut him out. And I’m not just saying this because this is what I think. He straight up told me. He told me all about how he hasn’t felt like himself ever since you didn’t let him into your place that night.”

“He told you about that?” you glance away from her. You weren’t expecting her to know so many details.

“Yeah. He really thinks he ruined you.”

“Ruined me?”

“Y/N, Adam is wired differently. He took it like he was to blame for everything and that you blame him for how everything turned out to be.”

“I’m blaming myself, not him.”

“I told him that this is probably what you think, but he would never believe it if it’s not coming from you.”

You sit there in silence, because you don’t know what you could say. You feel horrible knowing Adam has been suffering since your parting, but you still haven’t changed your mind. There’s no way Adam and you could ever make it work between the two of you, you could never do that to Hannah.

“I know what you are thinking,” Hannah speaks up pulling you out of your thoughts. “You’re thinking that you can’t be with Adam because it’s not right.”

“This is the truth. I did enough harm with my stupidity.”

“I wouldn’t mind if you got together with him.”  
“What?” you look at her with wide eyes. Is this a trap?

“Honestly, I’m over it. Despite everything that happened, I love you and I obviously love Adam in some way and it hurts me to see both of you like this. If it’s my blessing that’s holding you back, you have it.”

“But do you actually mean it?”

“I genuinely do. I’m working on being less selfish, something I’ve been told to be quite a lot lately and I think this is a right step towards that. I don’t really have a real reason to bring up why I shouldn’t let you be happy. It would be an egoistic move from me to watch you both suffer when I could easily help. I was over Adam when it all happened, we distanced way before that, this whole thing hurt me in a different way that has nothing to do with you or him. Would it be strange at first? Of course, but I’ve seen and been through stranger things in my life, so I’m not surprised anymore.”

This conversation has truly taken some surprising turns and you would have never thought that by the end of the day you’d have such a relief on the one thing that’s been weighing down on you for so long.

The two of you stay there in the juice bar for another hour or so, just talking and reconnecting, smoothing everything out that’s been building up in yourself through the months spent apart. She brings you the change you couldn’t give yourself and it finally pushes you out of this hell of a circle you’ve been running in for too long.

It takes you an entire week to build your courage up to face Adam. When you leave to his place that evening you’re not even sure if he still lives there, but you decide to take the chance and if it turns out that he has moved, you’ll take it as a sign that you weren’t supposed to meet him.

As you stand at the door silently, you wonder if he is on the other side. If he looks the same or if something has changed on him. Did he get a haircut? Did he maybe shave? Does he even want to see you? The questions keep flowing in and out of you until you just stop thinking and force yourself to knock on the door.

You hear shuffling from inside and then the door flies open and there he is, standing right in front of you in a pair of dark jeans and grey t-shirt, staring down at you with the most surprised look you’ve ever seen on his handsome face.

“Hey,” you shyly greet him with a small smile.

“Hey. Wha-what are you doing here?”

“I uhh—I wanted to talk to you. Is it not a good time for you?” you ask suddenly feeling like you are bothering him, after all, you just showed up unannounced, he might have plans or company over. Your stomach churns at the thought of the latter.

“No! Come in!” he shakes his head realizing he hasn’t even invited you in. He closes the door behind you and running ahead he collects some abandoned clothes from the floor and couch so you can sit down. You just smile at him as he throws them into his bedroom before joining you.

“So what’s up?”

“I… I met Hannah the other day.”

“Mm,” he hums, curiously waiting for the rest of the story.

“We talked about a lot of things and we kind of reconciled which was very nice and needed. And she told me about things I didn’t know, the reason why she lashed out so hard on me a-and that she met you a while ago.”

“Yeah, we ran into each other at Ray’s birthday,” he nods confirming the information you got from her.

“She said that you didn’t take well what happened… between us.” You glance at him and his gaze is just so intense, it’s making you feel a lot more anxious than you already are.

“I mean… Yeah, I’m not gonna lie, it’s been pretty fucked up for me.”

“I wanted to apologize.”

“For what?”

“For… making you believe that I was blaming you for everything. It was never true, I blamed myself for what happened. I thought that I failed not just Hannah but you as well and that I deserve to be left alone and suffer the consequences of my own actions.”

“Fuck, Y/N, you know we were in this together, why would you blame it all on yourself?” he sighs, frustrated to find out about your feelings.

“Why would you blame it all on yourself?” you repeat his words, feeling like it’s relevant to ask the same thing from him. “We both made mistakes.”

“Yeah,” he nods pressing his lips together into a thin line.

“I’m sorry for not letting you in that night, but I really thought I don’t deserve the smallest happy thing in my life after hearing Hannah lash out on me.”

“You were really driving me crazy. You didn’t even give me a chance to actually talk to you, just shut me out right away.”

“I’m sorry, but there’s nothing I can do to change the past,” you say chuckling lightly. He nods in agreement. “Hannah told me some other things too.”

“Like what?”

“That she doesn’t want either of us to stay miserable and if she is the only person standing between us she is giving us her blessing.”

Adam sucks on his breath as the conversation just took a sudden turn he was hoping to happen, but didn’t think it would really.

“So… What does this mean?” he nervously asks and you find it adorable how this huge man, full of muscle and masculinity can look like the cutest creature on Earth.

“Adam, I’m sorry for the way I reacted back then, but I had a lot of time to think and my conversation with Hannah really put things into their place.”

“Alright,” he nods.

“And I think that… If you still want to, we can… give it a try. Give us a try,” you finally say and you see his eyes brightening up immediately, as the corners of his mouth curl up.

“Is this for real? You’re not just fucking with me, right?” he asks gasping and you can’t help but chuckle at his genuine reaction.

“I’m not fucking with you, Adam,” you say shaking your head.

You watch him let his head fall back as his fits fly into the air.

“Fuck yes!” he happily shouts before quickly bouncing back and cupping your face in his hands he kisses you the way he has imagined so many times since the first time your lips touched.

You let the sensation take over your whole body as your hands grip onto his broad shoulders while his hands slide down to your waist and he gently pulls you until you are sitting on his lap, knees on each sides of his, bodies pressed together.

“Fuck, Y/N,” he breathes out, burying his face into your neck as you hold him tight, fingers laced through his hair, just taking the moment in, embracing every emotion as it is, letting them flowing through your body, right into him.

The heat of the moment quickly turns into something sentimental and moving, everything crashing down on you at once and you just let yourself experience it the way it comes to you.

“I really thought I lost you forever,” he mumbles against your skin, placing soft kisses below your skin. “Swear to God if you dare to do it again, I’m gonna lose my fucking mind,” he chuckles making you laugh as well while the damn tears start forming in your eyes again.

“I’m sorry,” you breathe out lifting his head and brushing his hair out of his face you just stare into his eyes, those beautiful, hazel eyes you’ve missed so much. “But I’m here now.”

“Yes you are,” he grins before kissing you again.

His lips tug on yours, taking his time with you, while his hands run up and down on your body, exploring every bit of it, but he doesn’t move further. He doesn’t try to take your clothes off or push it and you find it very comforting and securing that he still remembers the things you talked about months ago. But you feel like you are more than comfortable with him to take this next step.

“Adam,” you mumble against his lips, your hands sliding down to his stomach where you grab the hem of his shirt.

“Yeah?”

“You can… You can go for it.”

Stopping he leans back so he can look into your eyes, looking for any sign that tells him he shouldn’t, but you just smile at him shyly.

“Are you sure? Because I’m completely fine with doing nothing, just… lying in bed and being with you.”

“I’m completely sure,” you say pecking his lips shortly. He seems uncertain as you pull his shirt up, but he holds his arms up and lets you undress him, tossing the shirt to the side before laying your palms out on his chest.

Then slowly but surely he gets into action. His hands reach under your thighs and he stands up with you in his arms, carrying you into his bedroom and laying you down to his bed, getting on top of you. His large hands fumble with the small buttons of your shirt, but you reach down to help him and a moment later the shirt is gone and he is pulling your pants down before undoing his own jeans.

You feel secure and comfortable with him, but it’s still a challenging moment regarding of your general anxiety. When he looks down at your body that’s only covered by your lingerie you feel insecure about it and he quickly realizes it.

“You’re beautiful,” he breathes out as he gets on top of you, kissing you sweetly. “Fucking gorgeous,” he smiles before kissing every inch of your face, making you giggle.

Your lips reconnect and soon the rest of your clothes are gone, leaving both of you naked under his sheets.

“Just tell me when something doesn’t feel good, okay?” he asks after he rolls a condom on and you nervously nod. “Hey, we don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” he assures you seeing how nervous you are.

“I want to, I’m just… I don’t want it to be disappointing to you,” you say quietly.

“That’s impossible. You can never disappoint me, I could come just by looking at you naked,” he jokes making you laugh.

“Oh, so how come you haven’t finished yet?” you ask smirking at him.

“I’m really struggling to hold myself back. You can’t fucking imagine,” he grins kissing you gently. “Don’t think about me, think about yourself. I’m pretty fucking sure what feels good for you will feel amazing to me as well.”

You just nod your head licking your lips as he reaches between you and him and positions himself to your center. He looks you in the eyes one last time, as if he is asking for the final permission and when you nod, brushing his hair out of his forehead, with one slow but confident push he is inside you.

You gasp at the feeling, given the fact that it’s been so long since you’ve been with someone and he is pretty gifted when it comes to his length. But he lets you take your time to adjust to the feeling, staying still and peppering your face with gentle kisses.

“Y-You can move,” you tell him quietly.

“Sure?”

“Yeah,” you nod and moving your hands to the back of his neck you let out a moan as he slowly starts rocking his hips back and forth.

“Fuck, you feel so good,” he growls into your neck.

At first it feels a little uncomfortable and strange, but you start to loosen up and do what Adam told you; just focus on yourself. Pulling your legs up you let him hit a way better angle, making you moan as he thrusts inside you and you slowly start to find what feels the best for you.

“You good?” he asks breathing heavily and you just nod, biting into your bottom lip as you wrap your arms around his neck. “Do you want to switch it up?”

“Like… me on top?” you ask unsurely.

“It’s an option.”  
“Um, yeah,” you say, trying to keep your confidence as he wraps an arm around you and carefully flips the two of you over, so you are now sitting on him. You start moving your hips, not too sure what you should really be doing.

“Relax, just do whatever feels good for you,” he comforts you, his hands holding onto your hips as he gently starts guiding you, giving you a direction to start.

It takes a few seconds to finally find what you enjoy the most and when you do, you just go for it.

“Yes, fuck!” he moans, his head sinking into the pillow. Reaching up his hands cup your breasts as you buck your hips up and down, taking up the pace that feels just right.

“Adam,” you moan his name, hands on his chest as you keep moving, feeling your orgasm building up inside you.

“Yeah, you’re doing so fucking great,” he groans, thrusting his hips up matching your rhythm and you whimper from the feeling.

He pushes himself up into a sitting position, wrapping his arms around your body, your hands on his bare shoulders as you just keep moving and panting, your cheek pressing against his. Turning he kisses your jawline, one hand sliding down to your ass, the other one up into your hair at the back of your head.

“Fuck,” he growls and you know he is close, but so as you.

You pick your pace up, desperate for release, you let your head fall back and his lips meet the soft skin on your neck, kissing down on your throat and the moment his fingers dig into your skin at your ribcage you explode.

“Fuck!” you gasp, falling out of your rhythm as your orgasm washes over your body. You hear Adam grunting as he thrusts a couple more times before he comes as well.

Your panting fills the silence in the room in the next few seconds as you come back down from your high, eyes turning back to Adam who is already looking at you in awe.

“What?” you shyly ask.

“And you thought you would disappoint,” he grins kissing your shoulder. “You fucking… sex goddess.”

“Stop!” you chuckle, leaning down you kiss him softly, the raw passion is gone and replaced by a deeper, sensational feeling.

“You don’t regret it, right?” he asks a little later when the two of you are lying next to each other on your sides, facing each other, his hand playing with yours on the pillow.

“No, of course not,” you smile as he laces his fingers together with yours and pulling your hand to his lips he places a chaste kiss to the back of your hand.

“Alright. Good.”

“This is so crazy,” you exhale softly, watching him in awe.

“What’s crazy?”

“How this all turned out to be. So different from what I imagined.”

“What did you originally imagine?” he asks with a curious smirk on his full lips.

“Honestly, I don’t know,” you admit chuckling. “But not this for sure.”

His hand reaches out and he pulls you closer to him, legs tangling together as he kisses the tip of your nose, making you smile.

“Well, this is our life now. You are stuck with me.”

“What a tragedy,” you tease him, earning him to squeeze your hip gently. “The greatest tragedy of all times,” you add making him chuckle.

Making yourself comfortable in his arms you feel your eyelids getting heavier with each blink. Kissing his lips softly one more time you let them close and stay closed as Adam kisses your forehead.

“Promise me you’ll be here when I wake up,” he whispers and you open your eyes looking at him, seeing that need for validation in his eyes.

“I’m here to stay, don’t worry,” you reassure him before you let your eyes close again and this time, you slowly drift to sleep, feeling his fingers gently caressing your side until the very last moment you’re awake.

You smile to yourself upon hearing the front door open and close and when you see Adam walk in a moment later you get up from your bed to greet your boyfriend the proper way on his birthday.

“Hey,” you smile at him kissing his lips softly.

“Hi, I missed you,” he grins giving your ass a gentle squeeze before letting go of you and walking over to your bed he throws himself onto it with a tired sigh.

“How was your day?”

“Just the usual, nothing extra. The guys on set got me a cupcake,” he chuckles to himself.

“That’s cute,” you say crawling onto the bed, thinking about how adorable he would look like with a tiny cupcake compared to his size.

Reaching over to your nightstand you grab the white envelope you’ve had prepared for him, his name written on it in cursive to make it look fancy.

“Happy birthday,” you hand it to him with an excited smile.

“Y/N, I told you no gifts!” he looks at you with narrow eyes. He really did say he doesn’t want anything for his birthday, just to be with you, the only person he is interested in as he said. But you just couldn’t contain yourself and you had a funny idea about his gift.

“I know, but it’s not really a gift. It’s just… something I owe you.”

“Is this a pair of your panties?” he jokes and you just shake your head at him laughing.

“Just open it!”

He gives you a puzzled look as he opens the envelope and looks inside. He pulls out the twenty and five dollar bills with an even more confused look as he holds them up while you just giggle to yourself.

“What is this supposed to be?”

“This is the twenty-five bucks you paid me when we went out with Hannah. I felt like I should pay you back.”

“But why?”

“Because… I would rather not have you paying for a moment in our relationship that was kind of significant.”

“We really bonded that night, huh?” he chuckles placing a hand on your thigh as he puts the money and the envelope away. “Did you think we would end up here back then?”

“Not then. But I was already having thoughts about you.”

“Me too,” he admits smiling.

It’s kind of crazy thinking back at that day now, two months into your relationship with him, it all feels so surreal. You’ve definitely come a long way from ignoring each other in the apartment to being so madly in love.

Leaning closer he kisses you softly, his hand holding your chin tenderly.

“I love you,” he whispers and a wide smile stretches across your face. It’s not the first time he said it, but every time feels like the first, making your heart flip in your chest, completely whipped for this tall, weird but so amazing man you get to call your boyfriend.

“I love you too,” you mumble back before he grabs you by your waist and a moment later you are lying on the mattress, him on top of you, kissing down on your neck.

“Babe?” he asks stopping at your chest, looking up at you from under his dark eyelashes.

“Yeah?”

“Can I ask for one thing for my birthday?”

“Sure,” you smile down at him, curious about what he wants.

“I want to fuck you on the kitchen counter,” he bluntly states, and you just chuckle, combing his hair with your fingers.

Rolling off the bed you just walk over to the kitchen counter pushing the boxes and plates to the side before hopping onto the top and crossing your leg seductively, smirking at him while he is still on your bed, watching you completely amazed by you.

“Well, happy birthday to you, big boy,” you say in a low tone and it drives him crazy immediately. Jumping off the bed he rushes over to you, uncrossing your legs so he can stand between your knees.

“Best fucking birthday ever,” he grins before pressing his lips to yours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading this story! i hope you enjoyed it as much as i enjoyed writing! i will probably be back soon with some more Sackler contect since i'm obsessed with him haha take care! xx


	6. BONUS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright this one started as just a regular oneshot, but it fit this story so well that I decided to make it like a bonus chapter. some smut ahead!!

“What are you doing?”

Adam’s voice doesn’t make you fall out of your flow, you just move your legs in the downward-facing dog pose and look at him between your knees, seeing him stand at the front door in his short, his upper body is covered in a thin layer of sweat, his hair sticking to his forehead as he tilts his head watching you.

“I’m doing yoga,” you breathe out as you bring a leg forward and pull yourself into a lunge. He got back from his usual run earlier than you were expecting, you wanted to be done with yoga by the time he arrives, but now you’ll just finish anyway.

“Since when are you doing yoga?” he asks with a confused look as he walks around you, watching you curiously as you slowly switch between the poses, trying to focus on the right breathing.

“For a while now.”

“And what is this good for?”

Sitting down to the couch he watches you like it’s his private show and quite frankly, he feels like it is. Your shorts and tight top with your sports bra doesn’t leave too much to the imagination, not that he has to make up anything, he already knows all too well what’s under your clothes. But he still enjoys seeing you in such outfit.

“It helps me clear my mind, it corrects posture, helps with balance and makes me get more flexible.”

“Oh, so this is why you can you easily put a leg on my shoulder when we are having sex even when I’m leaning onto you completely?”

You chuckle at the conclusion he just made from what you said, not even surprised sex was his first thought at the new information he just received.

“Kind of.”

Getting down onto your stomach on the mat, you push your hips up, giving a great view of your ass to Adam who is enjoying this way too much.

“This one looks great, babe,” he compliments, eyes fixed on your arch and he already imagined so many things he wants to do with you in this position. As you push your arms ahead of you, lifting your knees, your butt gets higher in the air and you hear Adam growling.

Before you could change the position, you hear him get up from the couch and a few seconds later two hands grab your hips and he pulls your ass back to meet his clothed crotch, rubbing his already hard cock to your butt.

“Adam, let me finish this!” you sigh with a tired smile.

“Just do it, I’d never want you to stop.”

“Yeah, but I can’t finish like this.”

“Like what?” he asks, wanting to hear you word your thoughts.

“With you up in my ass,” you sigh as you manage to get out of his hold and sit on the mat, he is towering above you as you blink up at him innocently, his bulge basically right in front of your face.

“I wish I was up in your ass,” he snorts brushing his hair out of his forehead.

Standing up you wrap your arms around his neck and press a soft kiss to his plump lips.

“Just give me ten more minutes, okay? And then you have all my attention.”

“Okay,” he sighs stealing one last kiss before you let go of him and get back to your mat while he moves over to the kitchen and watches you get into your next position while pouring himself a glass of milk.

You feel his stare on your body, you know he is looking right at you, his eyes soaking in the curve of your body and you also know that he is probably still rock hard. When you bend down, just to simply touch your toes you hear a tortured whimper coming from him, most likely at the sight of your ass back in the air, facing him perfectly, like a warm invitation for him and you know you can’t let him suffer any longer.

Straightening up you look in his direction and he returns your gaze with an innocent look, glass in one hand, the other grabbing onto the edge of the counter so hard his fingers are turning white, and his shorts are clearly too tight on him at the moment.

“What? I didn’t say anything,” he sweetly states, making you chuckle.

“Come here,” you nod at him and you don’t have to say twice, he shows the glass into the kitchen sink and with just a few long strides he is already at you, arms wrapped around your body as he lifts you up from the mat, twirling you around. “Want to help me finish?”

“I always make you finish,” he jokes making you chuckle again.

“Yeah you do. Alright, take your shorts off,” you order as you strip your own clothes off, watching him do what you told him, leaving both of you naked. Hooking a hand behind his neck you pull him down with you to the mat and he eyes you curiously as you lie down right in front of him, one hand on the base of his erected cock, the other one on your leg.

“I’m loving where this is heading,” he comments and you smirk at him as you lift your legs up, slightly opening them so you see him between them.

“You’re gonna help be stretch. Push inside me,” you simply tell him and he obeys like a good little boy.

Both of you lets out a soft moan at the sensation, his hands wrapped on your ankles as your legs are still up high, right between you and him.

“Okay, now I’ll put my legs on your shoulders, and lean down on me, as far as you can.”

“Both legs?” he asks with wide eyes. He is used to have one leg up on his shoulder, he loves that, his fingers digging into your thigh as he slams inside you, but you never had both up.

“Yeah, both,” you nod biting into your bottom lip as you try to hold your smile back.

“Okay,” he mumbles and you place your legs into position before he starts to slowly lean onto you, pushing your legs down towards your chest, basically folding you in half. “Oh fuck,” he growls as he is now hitting an angle he never did before.

“You can move,” you tell him noticing his stillness.

He quietly grunts as he starts thrusting in and out of you, holding himself up on his arms while his weight is pushing down on you, making your legs fold up on yourself.

“What’s this pose called?” he jokes while panting, his hips never stopping in motion.

“The Fucking Sackler,” you let out a laugh and he joins you, dropping his head between your legs to kiss you softly.

“My favorite one.”

As much as you needed the stretch, you can’t stay in this pose until the end. Adam stops and helps you get your legs down to the floor, kissing the inner side of your ankles before doing so. He is quick to return between your legs, pushing back inside you as he lies on top of you, this time without your legs parting his body from yours.

“Now I’m gonna fuck you into Namaste,” he declares making you laugh as he starts thrusting again.

“That literally made no fucking sense,” you chuckle wrapping your arms around his neck, pulling him down for a kiss.

As much as Adam likes to call it fucking, it always turn into something gentler and deeper by the end, love making as you’d say and Adam knows it too. Because as soon as he is pressed up against you, fingers in your hair, lips attached to yours, there’s a change in him. He makes sure you’re enjoying it as much as he does, he always murmurs sweet nothings into your ear, reassuring you that you are the best thing that has happened to him, and it’s just taking sex to a whole another level that you love so much.

When he rolls off of you, his back hitting the floor, you cuddle to his side, kissing his peck as you watch him catch his breath.

“You good?” he asks glancing at you.

“Of course, why wouldn’t I be good?”

“I don’t know, I just bent you in fucking half while fucking you, that shit could easily hurt,” he explains, bringing a hand to your back and he starts to softly caress your back with the tips of his fingers.

“I’m good, don’t worry,” you smile at him, kissing his jawline.

“Also, I love how you just ordered me to undress, that was fucking hot,” he chuckles making you blush. “Took me almost six whole months, but I finally made you comfortable enough to do that. I love it.”

“I love you,” you sing pushing yourself up so your lips can reach his.

“And I love you. My little… yogi,” he teases you squeezing your waist as he pulls you closer to him, kissing you a few more times.


End file.
